Quote: see...I walked away...but I was dealing with batchitt crazy...but having said that...detachment is still a good thing..it prepares you for what may happen or what might not happen..and if your truly detached..you'll be damn good either way I think you should really add to this part - it's not that you'll be damn good either way, it's that you need to be damn good in spite of what's going on. Separately from what's going on between you and your spouse. That's detachment. You are damn good and can *choose* to love your spouse vs. needing to.
Something to consider.
I don't know that there is anything to add...I never ever felt like I "needed" to love Kim..I chose to when we first met though at the time i thought I just "fell" in love with her...I now believe you don't just "fall"...I believe you make a decision...
I believe that if you are truly detached then you will be good either way..married, divorced, single...whatever...see we ALL rely on others for our happiness and the truth is..the only one who can make you happy is you..
Batchiit crazy made me walk...and i don't regret it for a second..I don't second guess it..I'm a happy boy...and I made happy for myself..
Mike, I've done a lot of thinking about this... Aside from these few slip ups (mid-March, and Tuesday night), I think I was doing ok. I am busy. I am doing things to improve upon myself. I am pleasant in his presence, and look nice. You pretty much summed it all up...
"...to me this is wonderful and the way it should be..you are married..the M is just missing the intimacy part right?? Ya need to show him the MB that he saw when you first met..she's in there somewhere..she just got all caught up being a mother and parent..."
It's that intimacy part that hurts to the core. I just need to learn to NOT bring it up. He is/was truly enjoying himself at home, AND covering for his time to be here more.
I wouldn't say I was detached. I would say I was following a path of forward progress, and that's why the emotions take over.
I'm determined, AGAIN, to back off, do my thing, etc...
Thanks for stepping back in.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Sam... ditto what I told Mike. It's those moments of overwhelming emotions that get me. But, I'm not giving in to them. I fight it A LOT. That's why I don't think I'm even remotely detached. Can you say CODPENDENT?
Last night and this am, I kept myself incredibly busy. Haven't even really thought of this stuff at all.
It helps.
... wish I knew what that txt was you liked! I'll copy and paste it as a back-up when I want to whine!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
AJ - And what you write about is the hardest part for me. I think some people are better equipped to be able handle things as if they're on the outside looking in... I can't get away from the grief. I'm gong to try and find a C again. I think that may be my best bet, but I cringe at the thought of the emotional drain...
I just NEVER thought I'd be here...
Last edited by mindblank; 05/07/0904:49 PM.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I wouldn't say I was detached. I would say I was following a path of forward progress, and that's why the emotions take over.
I'm determined, AGAIN, to back off, do my thing, etc...
and therein lies the problem...the key to detachment..."no emotion"..in other words when you don;t get a compliment from him on your dress it has no effect on you..because you know you loook good and don't need to hear it from him..
I don't think you'll ever have forward progress as long as you continue to get make 'emotional" mistakes...as long as your emotions play into this then you'll ride the coaster with him...the object is to have him spinning...and you be the stable one...
FWIW...I do beleive this is easier for a man..simply because of the way men are wired...the emotions don't play on us nearly as bad or for as long as they do with a woman..
I'll leave ya alone for a bit...
look inside yourself and find some happiness that does not depend on him..
Easier for a man? Hmm... I think not. But then I'll have to admit I've never been a woman ;O)
Mike's right - find the happiness from within. Let it shine.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
easier for some of us then...of course I took GAL to an extreme so I really had not time to even think or care about what Kim said or did..
I guess there are a few souls here (me and a few more I know) came to the relization that we are a hell of a lot better off not dealing with what was being forced down our throats..
so we found ourselves...and are the better being without those that are batchitt crazy..
It's easier when you detach, have no expectations, do the work for yourself, realize you only control yourself and are responsible for your happiness.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
so I really had not time to even think or care about what Kim said or did..