Newly separated...spouse left, 3rd thread

[antlers]

I'm only counting the days because right now they are steps, even though they might be baby steps, and it's something that I haven't been too good at so far. It makes me feel like I'm at least doing something that I should be doing, instead of doing something that I shouldn't be doing!

I think counting the days gives you a way to break up a very hard task into pieces you can manage. Like when I'm running, and I'm dead tired, and I've got a mile to go, I'll pick a point in the near distance and concentrate on getting there, then once I'm there, pick another point, etc.

Also, know that the longer you go without any contact, the more your brain will adapt to your new situation, and you'll begin to let go and feel better. It's not unlike getting over an addiction. You're in withdrawal now, but you're probably through the worst at this point.

You're doing great, and by the way, I totally agree with you how sad it is to realize that if we'd only known some of this stuff years ago, things could have been so much better. The past is the past though, all we can do is try to make ourselves better and look toward the future.

Yeah, it does help one to manage it better, and it also helps you to mark some progress.

I'm hopeful that's gonna happen. It'll hopefully provide space for detatchment.

Thanks...I don't always feel like it though. It's hard to accept what a no compassion, selfish idiot I was! I want to be better and look forward to the future. That's a herd one though!


p.s. I am anxious and scared of what the future holds. That awful phone call on the 30th still hurst bad. I really don't want anything worse to happen. I feel bad for our kids...they have no say-so in the matter...something that affects them now and for the rest of their lives...and they have no control and no say-so in the matter! They are innocent and guiltless.