The adventure continues--part 5

[dburt]

Yeah, when she comes over, say, "what's up", like I assumed this must be important, but if it is not, just say hey sorry, gotta run here in a minute, you have anything else you wanna talk about? Busy, Busy, busy!

You know you're probably going to get the "I want to come back but I just don't know" speach. Get prepared, go through Gucci posts again, play the convo in your mind.

Remember, check your emotions when you open that door for her, and go totally cerebral.

Burt

[AFWAW]

John=strong, dignified man who needs to be *sold* on why he should waste any more time on a juvenile, cheating, misbehavin' fool.

Thank you, I'll do my best.

[AFWAW]

You know you're probably going to get the "I want to come back but I just don't know" speach. Get prepared, go through Gucci posts again, play the convo in your mind.

Yep, already thought about that and re-read Gucci posts. Trying not to succumb to emotions.

[hooper1668]

AFWAW,
Good job on controling your emotions...perhaps it would be best for you to work on your pool while she is there or clean your jet-ski. No need for you to just sit and listen to her...if she wants to talk let her come to where you are, either your garage or the pool, otherwise she can talk to your daughter. If you had someone helping you would be best. Keep the conversation about your daughter. Use this time to build your resolve up...you are probably going to have to expose and/or file to fix this otherwise you will wonder for the rest of your life...trust is very hard to rebuild after it is taken away.

Stay calm, hope for the best on E-8, how unusual that she wants to stop by tonight...I wish you had told her you were taking your daughter out to eat to throw her off.

You are doing well...yes you were down for a bit but the measure of a man is you keep getting up and take care of your responsibilities and prepare your daughter for her life.

V/r,

PS

PDT,
Thanks for your kind words...you will never know how much your advice has helped!

[AFWAW]

Hoop,
No worries. The wife just called and cancelled. Just as well. I didn't ask for an explanation but she offered one anyway. She said she was chatting online w/ a girlfriend--ok whatever. I said, ok no big, talk to you later. She says wait, can I come over tomorrow? I said, I don't what time? She said aren't you off tommorrow? I said I am. She said would it be ok if I come over at 6. I paused for a sec and said ok sure but give me a call around 5 to see if I'm here, ok? She said ok. So, the drama continues and I didn't lose my cool and I didn't let me heart get stomped on tonight!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

She says wait, can I come over tomorrow?

\


A: "Actually, I have plans tomorrow night. How about Friday afternoon, say about 3?" (whatever)

Man, you're just not gettin' this . . .

[gucci loafer]

The wife just called and cancelled. Just as well. I didn't ask for an explanation but she offered one anyway.

Not bad.

She said she was chatting online w/ a girlfriend--ok whatever. I said, ok no big, talk to you later.

Good. Stay happy. No big deal on your end. Perfect with the "talk to you later" and wanting to get off the phone.

She says wait, can I come over tomorrow? I said, I don't what time? She said aren't you off tommorrow? I said I am.She said would it be ok if I come over at 6. I paused for a sec and said ok sure but give me a call around 5 to see if I'm here, ok? She said ok.

Very good on asking her to give you a confirmation call to make sure YOU are there.

All in all, not too bad. You put no pressure on her which was excellent. It is OKAY to talk to them when they call. Just stay happy and polite and then politely end the call. "Talk to you later is an excellent way to end a call first.

You now have it set up in your favor today to go in whatever direction YOU want it to go....

Your options are.

Wait and see if she calls at 5:00. If she cancels again, then you use the same routine that you did today.

If she wants to come over and you want her to come over, then let her come over and just be a happy, confident, self assured man. (NOT happy that she is with you, but just in your own little world happy)

If she doesn't call.. DO NOT CALL HER. Make plans to be busy as the clock strikes 5:00. Do NOT wait one second after 5:00 to head out and pursue your other plans. Don't even check your email or answering machine when you get back. (this is what confident and successful men do)

OR.. When she calls at 5:00, tell her you were "just" going to call her and that you can't be there tonight and will have to make it another night. (same thing she did to you) Tell her that something like "I am going to (fill in the blank)go out with "Jim" (or whoever) and play some pool and watch the basketball game. Then politely get off the phone. Don't TRY to sound like you are trying to make her jealous. Just matter of fact. Make sure you already have these plans in place. Do NOT cancel your plans for her.

Remember... YOU feel the SAME way. Maybe it won't work. Maybe this time apart is for the best. (only if she brings up a talk probing for reassurance).... "I guess I know how you feel now too"......."Let's just take it one day at a time"

Her: "Do you still love me"?

AFWAW: Well, I will ALWAYS love you, but so much has happened between us, that right now I am not sure if I am IN love with you. I need to sort through my feelings. Well, I really have to go. Talk to you later."

That is the routine...

You CAN talk to her. (when SHE contacts you)
Always be happy. (not acting happy that she is giving you crumbs, but just happy as if you are really busy and have other things on your mind now and have lost your obsession for her) Be nice. Be polite. Get off the phone first.
Never any pressure. Stay the same distance from her that she is to you. (this keeps the pressure off and for allows them to PURSUE YOU)

Cheer up. This isn't over. We need to get you back in the correct position here. Tonight was a start. You CAN NOT backslide on this. Hold the line.

[markhaving probs]

AFWAW,

I have read your sitch with interest, you are getting great advice by the look of things.

For fear of hijacking your sitch I was advised by a fellow poster that gucciloafer has some great advice on 'dropping the rope', as I am having real trouble detaching from my wife. Gucciloafer please could you send a post and link to me on Newcomers with the advice I need. Many thanks.

AFWAW, thank you and best wishes, I will continue to read your sitch.

Mark

[AFWAW]

Well, I didn't make E8. So much for that pipe dream. Whatever...

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I'm sorry, John. When it rains, it sure seems to pour, doesn't it?

Puppy