K, Is there an equivalent book on the "Superior Women" which hints at how to read a man's mind and meet his every need? Os is there no respect or consideration for the humanness of a man? Or are they expected to be all perfect, put their cares and burdens aside and meet every womanly need if not the women is "entitled" to divorce or labeling the man "abusive", "cruel" or whatever ? Are woman then truly the "weaker sex"? Just some thoughts as otherwise I get the impression on this board that women are much more needy and if their needs aren't met then the man is not good enough. I haven't read this book, I will some time but it seems a bit out of kilter to me. It was very good reviews in general on amazon though.
Who said we are the weaker sex? Who said our needs are more important? And the book is not written in a way that says the man should please his woman and that's it. It's more written in a way that says "be the rock, know what you want in life, find happiness and give love and take love".
There are couple of things that made me furious when I first read them like "never make a woman the center of your world", but then I read it again and in context and I see what he means. He means "differentiate" yourself from your partner, just like PM says and just like we say here :detach.
So, I dont know where you got all that. Thank God I dont feel bitter towards men.... On the contrary. K
I would say that a man carries the responsibility to lead.
Perhaps that is terribly old fashioned of me; maybe it is painfully out of touch with a modern, advanced age.
Deida writes his book TO men, FOR men. He comes at his topic from the standpoint of becoming a superior man. He issues a challenge in his writing to MEN.
We all know that there are two sides to every relationship. Of course it is true that men have needs that must be met. Of course it is true that women have responsibilities when it comes to keeping the love relationship in full bloom.
But if we men are honest with ourselves, it is typically us who allow the flames to die down. We are all about the conquest. And when we have won the woman, we put down our swords and bask in our victory. We relax. Not immediately of course, but definitely before long we begin to take for granted that the woman in our life will always choose to be there. We think that we have won a one time challenge, often failing to realize that love is something that must be won day after day.
Deida is speaking to men because men need to be spoken to.
He is speaking to us so that we can know how to reach the woman in our life, how to speak her language, how to understand what she is saying to us in her many words and actions.
It's not really a one sided street that he is presenting. His focus just happens to be on what WE as MEN can and should be considering if we want to know that we are doing what we must each day.
I think that passage is awesome. Incredibly challenging and yet also an amazing goal to be shooting for. I say this as one who is often guilty of the kind of relaxing that I have mentioned above.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Hey FB2, I read the book after K suggested it. I did not really get it (some may say I don't get much)...I may need to reread it. I think it is just a view on how a man can better understnd a woman. His road map if you will. I get what you are saying though....but there are tons of books to help woman be better partners. I think you jump to conclusions or come on a little strong with: "Or are they expected to be all perfect, put their cares and burdens aside and meet every womanly need if not the women is "entitled" to divorce or labeling the man "abusive", "cruel" or whatever ?" I have looked for your thread FB2 and K told me you do not have one. I wanted to read about what you have recently experienced because I sensed and continue to sense a certain underlying negativity in your posts toward woman....which I am sure is only resentment toward your WAW. "I get the impression on this board that women are much more needy and if their needs aren't met then the man is not good enough" I agree with alot of what you post generally....this last one seems a tad strong.
thanks for showing a non-disgusting part of the book. I still think I would reject the philosophy. I don't know. It's just got that "I figured out how to deal with one woman, so now I am writing an instruction book because they are all the same" feeling to it, which I reject in my gut. The woman is so passive and only the Man is active, making choices that change the world. I think if a man acted that way to me, I would at least want to kick him in the nuts.
Bill, just a quick point....although I have also been guilty of taking my XW for granted at times, it does not excuse what some WASs and her in particular have done. Also, I would guess that women are as much at fault with what I consider to be the #1 reason for marriage breakups.....complacency or taking each other for granted.
Oh my good god! This is some debate. Well I will wade in and all I know, or what I have learnt in watching others R's and certainly in my own... lack of communication is the root of all evil. Or the wrong type of communication (90% of arguments are all just noise, nobody listens once you start yelling). So.. if you dont understand your womans mood, ask her whats wrong and listen to the answer. If you think you may be being too controlling and ignoring your H's needs, ask him his opinion and take it on board. So... better listening skills ?
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
K and all, Seems like a healthy debate with a lot of interesting and valid points. And I need to carefully explain my own viewpoint some more. Hopefully I'll get time late tonight; today's extremely busy for me.
Oh well, too bad if it did.