Hey Mish... yep, I keep telling you the planets yet yuo still dont believe their is a link!? I dont understand it though.
Neaj.. c'mon, I never said "all clear" by May.. I said to Maria we would know by May, which way it is going to go. End of May in fact (around the time my course finishes!) and nothing would happen till June (fingers crossed!). So, its like I cant let up in all areas.. I have huge responsibilities, to do stuff financially, with the flat, with college and also, to deal with my ex, if and when he gets in touch. Today my head is spinning !
I hope he is or has, broken up with Helen. My patience is thinner than the atmosphere in space right now.
I hope he is or has, broken up with Helen. My patience is thinner than the atmosphere in space right now.
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today you may feel this way but there is always tomorrow, oh that's Band night isn't it? what are the plans?
I still think you should do college stuff first thats what 3 weeks left to go? compared to a lifetime with x b/f if you get back together can you look at which needs your attention that way. Yes it is frustrating but did you check out the link on stages. Some people put great store in them. Find some way to release some stress, you need to look after yourself.
I don't know exactly what it is either...my emotions are all awack and nothing has happened to make them be all over the place. Trying to keep an nice level head about me but easier said then done. I think we should focus on what is already on our plate and the rest will follow.(or so I should hope)
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey Naej, yes, at college as usual ! Its going a little better today, got some great plans involving trombones, speakers, petals, pomegrantes, birch wood, wire, paper, on and on it goes! I did read the stages once or twice, he seems to fit the general descriptions pretty acurately.
Kat..Bobbi..yep, band night! He emailed me today, no mention of it though (but I'm going anyway).
So he emailed briefly, saying how are you and asking me some questions.. he asked me abuot college and said he hoped my exhibition pieces were coming along well (wow, thats a new one, supportive too).. but added, I sounded stressed about it on the phone the other day (no, I was stressed at the tone in your voice, dumbo!). He then asked if I had calls about our house for rent (wow, again, didnt even ask me last August, left me to do it all by myself) and then, even more amazingly, asked if everything was alright with the flat that I am selling (its in his name, but he's had no involvement with it).
My Mum said it shows he is perhaps pulling his head out of his *rse (her words) and is now concerned for me and how I am coping with things, enough to show me he cares/is concerned.
Well I spoke too soon... G and Cher and my ex have arranged for us all to go to bandnight! She said my ex knows I am coming, he is staying over at hers... Oh god, why do I suddenly feel so nervous !? Silly I know.. but its because I feel like I am constantly on trial.. he still hasnt said he wants back.. still weighing it up ("will it go back to how it was before??").. I dont think it would, but theres only one way to find out hey.
Oh we know who should be nervous and it isn't you!! You have blossomed and he is just now getting to see it. He has to win you, not the other way around. Keep looking fabulous and have an awesome night tonight.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey Kat.. yes, IF he decides he wants back, I'd like to think he would want to/need to or even intend to woo me. At the moment, I still dont feel like I have any, or much power.
So I spoke too soon again! He phoned me when I got home, unexpectedly. He got a letter saying I hadnt paid the credit card (which is in his name) so I was very embarressed about that. He said its ok and "sorry to stress you out" as I have enugh on my plate with college and of course I said, no I'm sorry for not paying it! Then he asked me about college and was very interested, I was chatty and also asked him about work and I made him chuckle a bit, but there were some awkward silences and he would cough to fill them, or whatever and I didnt know what he wanted really (just to tell me about the card I think).. and after 15 minutes he said he had to go and said in a kind of pitying, patronising voice "ok, speak to you soon Al....". I said, well I will see you later wont I? He said, oh G said something about band night, but I dont know, I'm pretty tired from work, so I'll see how I feel, maybe...
I think he is still with her. The tone in his voice has yet again left me feeling horrible.
Back up chica.........you're letting his actions to dictate your feelings a little too much. I understand why it is happening though. Although you don't want to 'expect' anything, it just must feel like it's so close to some sort of movement that it's making you crazy! It must be sheer torture.
A suggestion......would it be better to stay home tonight and work on your project? Separate yourself for one band night and really put that energy into your art? Also, would it hurt for it to get back to him that you didn't come tonight because you were engrossed in your work? I'm just saying, him knowing exactly where you will be, when you will be there, and knowing that you are open to him might be almost too much openness to him. Yeah, just spitballing thoughts here......don't read too much into it. Just thinking of some ways to separate yourself a little more from the situation.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I agree with Mishka--he knows you are only partially detached from him, and that he's still "got" you, and in some moods that's not very attractive to him. You're giving him too much power.
I found it best, whenever I got those phonecalls that had me wondering what he REALLY wanted, or that had uncomfortable bits in them, or that became not-how-friends-interact, to cheerfully and quickly end them. That gives you back a sense of control, and lets you reward him for good telephone episodes.
