No one is an expert in this. It's like being blindfolded and told to guess what things are by touch alone. You don't always get it right.
Your spouse is doing what he's doing for himself, no one else. In a perfect world people in relationships would be able to say what they felt and meant outright. Actually, it's a great goal to strive toward.
This is a time for you to get healthy in mind, body and spirit. Reality is never as bad as what you imagine it to be.
He left because he has issues which are exacerbated by whether or not he takes his meds.
This is a time to look at what you need in a relationship, remove the negatives and set your boundaries.
You told him that you'd give him what he wanted. Yet what do you need? An emotionally and mentally stable spouse. Could that be a boundary?
Take those steps one at a time. Talk to your counselor about what the most constructive steps you can take. The meaning of love during this time of emotional crisis evolves.
