Healing my Heart part 7

[fightingirish]

Well its 1:40 am here, can't sleep. So many things rattling in my head. Do I stay or go. This whole thing is making me old fast.

I don't want to be this old woman who regrets the decision I made by staying, or regretting the fact that I didn't try harder. I know Im not really making any sense, but there it is.

nc, Yes his ego is a big problem. Everything has always been about him. Now that we have two boys, its not about him, its about them. Even the nice things he does for me is just a gesture that he wants credit for and shows it off to anyone who will listen "look what I did for my wife" He's looking for recognition, getting a thank you and affection from his family isn't enough.

Case in point, last year this time, he made me a scrap book for mother's day. Pictures of me with the kids and himself. He was proud of it, and yes it was probably the nicest thing he's ever done, BUT He then asked me every day for a week, "did you show xxx the book I did" , "did you show mrs. xxx the nice thing I did for you"... I was like, what does it matter, wasn't it enough just do something nice for me and leave it at that... nope. He does things half heartdly, not really meaning to do them for me, but in some way for him to get credit for doing it at all. Make sense?

Then I go back and forth to just think about being by myself. Im not to upset about that, but I will have to except the fact that it may be for a long time. Who the heck wants to be with someone with baggage, + 2 little boys. Not many I supposed. And will I be able to handle it if he does find someone else, which no doubt he will because he can't be alone. I get anxiety just thinking about that.

Oh, what to do. I don't plan on making any rash decisions, unless things really get where they are unbearable. Right now he's not here, he's got work next week so we won't see too much of him, which is good for us right now.

Thanks nc.. I know that you have been through a lot. One of the differences between you and my H is that you are/were willing to fight for your W, and have become a better person for it. My h is too much of a stubborn azz to see through his fog.