BobbiJo - You did good by knowing when to stop talking. Dan is not responding now because, like most guys, he needs time to process what you told him.
Your patience and compassion now reminds me of what stuck808 mentioned in PortlandDad's thread in newcomers last night...
Originally Posted By: stuck808
PD,
Great to hear about your convo. I think a few more of those and she'll feel more at ease. That's when she's going to start re-remembering the good times you had together.
It worked with my W. I was a total hot head when I first would talk to her. Then I stopped and let her engage. Even when she was saying things I didn't agree with, I listened and made mental notes as to why she might believe that. Then I set out to change those negative perceptions she had. I learned that I talked over her when she was saying what she wanted all along.
It really is like being in a new relationship with someone. Or at least that's how I've approached it. The old R is gone. I'm dating a new woman who has an opinion. So I'm doing the things I would do if I were trying to attract a girl from scratch, but with the benefit of experience.
Patience and compassion is the key because she's going to keep dragging you along her emotional rollercoaster. At times like that, I would picture a rock in the ocean that's being slammed by the waves. No matter how strong the current, the rock doesn't budge. Eventually the ocean calms and changes, but the rock is still there as strong as ever.
I think you have said and done all you need for now. You have gone above and beyond what most could endure. It is finally up to Dan to think long and hard whether he wants to reach out and make a choice to love and respect his wife. Regardless of his choice, I believe you have the drive, passion and determination to keep yourself content with anything you pursue.
