I'm ready to wake up now...........

[Silent Chrleader]

My DB friends.

I am so very confused right now. So many conflicting thoughts and feelings screaming inside me. I don't know what to do, if anything. Following is the chain of events.....

(Talks about a financial issue)then........ Would you please have S18 and SIL move the wood out of the garage down to the basement? SIL has Thursday off. Your mom and step-dade will be there Friday to help.

Note: My stepdad is an employee of H's. They have helped with stuff at the dream house many times.

(Answer financial issue)then.......The boys assure me that they will have the wood down by Friday. S18 says he will be there Friday, and working on things, but says he has other plans for later Friday afternoon........I'll leave that issue between you and him. I also heard that Granny and Pop will be there. That too I'll leave between you and them. I myself have other plans.

D24 and GD came to the pool with me yesterday for my Deep Water Aerobics class. D24 and I ended up spending the time in the shallow end giving GD her first taste of swimming. She did really well. Was a little nervous at first, but never cried and then warmed up to it and smiled and giggled. It was so cute! D24 and SIL are planning to bring her again tomorrow when I go to my next class and we'll take pictures. Her personality is really coming out now and she's really a doll, H. I little cuddle monkey who just loves to be held.

Anyway......take care.

I debated including the part about swimming with GD. I have kept what few communcations I've had in response to his e-mails down to absolute bare necessities (one word answers if possible). I didn't want to come off as trying to make him feel guilty. But I also want him to see that he is missing something very special.

Thanks for the updates. I called yesterday to check on D24 and GD. I got an "oh by the way, mine and SIL's deal is next friday at 5" just before hang up. I said what deal? she then let me know about the court house. I have some re-arranging to do to make this by 5. I do hope I can pull it off.

Not alot of notice or advance checking.

Note, the Friday D24 is getting married, H had plans to go up to dream house......probably taking OW he now lives with with him. He told D24 he also had conference call planned that day....but now he seems to be trying to re-arrange.

No there wasn't much advance notice. They just went down last Friday if I'm not mistaken and got the license, and then I think they had to call Monday to see about when they could get an appointment with the judge, and took the first one they could get with SIL's day off. I asked her what she planned to wear and she asked if she could borrow my black top that SIL likes........So, they are by no means making it a big deal (mostly because money is very tight of course).

I hope you can make it. I think it would mean a lot to D24 that you be there.

S18 and I had C this afternoon. Came home and am getting things together for my appointment with new lawyer tomorrow. This one handles both bankruptcy and family law so I am hoping to get a better handle on things. But, I so hate that it's come to this.....

Then, D24 hands me a card she got today from H.......

Daughter, it seems like only yesterday....and now my sweet little girl whose life was just beginning is a young woman and mother with a family of her own....You mke me smile, You make me proud, and you're wished so much love. Happy Mother's Day........(hand written by him)"I Hope your first Mothers Day is Peaceful and Enjoyable. Dad"

My D24 told me she doesn't know what to think about it......I told her she needs to think that her father really does love her and appreciate the fact that he cared enough to get that card and send it in time for Mothers day, and how hard we know it is for him to do this kind of thing.

The man that sent that card is the man that I have loved for the past 28 years of my life. It hurts unbearably to know that that man is still inside him and yet lost to me! I miss him so very very much. I really hope I can keep it together if he is able to make it to the wedding. I told D24 to not make a big deal out of it if he comes, but to just hug him and tell him she's glad he's there.