Ok I could not for the life of me think of a thread title...
I didn't want to start a new thread b/c I don't know if I should post here or in "surviving the D" yet...but I will know very very soon.
I told Dan he could stop by the house after dinner last night, he said he was going by work first for a while to catch up on things. We were already in Omaha at the time for supper. Which, by the way, was a lot of fun.
At 10 I was suddenly so tired I almost fell asleep in my chair. I am on a pretty low-calorie eating plan right now so I don't know if that is why I was tired, or stress I don't realize I am feeling, but it hit like a ton of bricks. I texted Dan to see if he had left work yet and I went and got in bed.
He called back and said he was just pulling in his mom and dad's driveway, I said I had wanted to talk to him. He said he could come in to the house if I wanted. It was already 10:20 by then. I said No, that's okay, I know you hate talking that late at night...(He has said many times that we only seem to talk about anything when it is 11 at night and there is no time to really talk...so I acknowledged that)
He said "Well, tomorrow night I will be at the house while you are at class, I will work on putting the kids to bed early so we can talk when you get home" Class goes until nine. Actually tonight it isn't real class or I wouldn't be on here...it is time for working on our final projects. Which I need to go do.
I think SMW is right, I may run by the church on my way home or otherwise say a quick prayer before I talk to Dan. I do not expect a happy ending. My worst-case scenario is that he will tell me he doesn't know what I am talking about, he doesn't have a problem, he just doesn't want me anymore, and he will storm out of the house. I know that is possible. But before I can walk into the attorney's office and file I need to do this.
Thanks so much. I can't remember the name of it but there is a theory people have posted here about hoping for the best while accepting the harsh reality of the present...that is sort of where I am.
I know what I would/will do with either a very negative reaction or a relieved, 'I am so glad someone knows my secret and I am not alone in this' reaction. And I may get no reaction at all tonight but a delayed reaction down the road. Who knows....
I left yoi a message on SMW thread because your was locked. I hope it goes as smooth as can be expected tonight. I'll be praying and thinking of you.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
I hope for the best case scenario for you and Dan, but even if it is not the best reaction initially, your addressing it will open the door for him to hopefully evaluate this issue and deal with it at some point down the road. I hope he doesn't just close the door and ignore the need for help.
Wow. I am almost speechless. I know I tend to ramble, but this was surprising for me.
He let me say everything I wanted to say. He didn't interrupt me, not once. And some of the things I said he seemed to acknowledge by some nonverbal things, expression changes, small gestures, etc...
I said pretty close to what i told you all I would say, but at the end I re-iterated that I loved him regardless and he did not have to hide anything from me, I needed him to know that whether we worked out or not had nothing to do with this, this was about him and the struggle I saw him facing.
It was silent for 2-3 minutes as we sat next to each other on the couch...that seemed like a long time! During the silence he closed his eyes and shook his head a couple of times and it was clear he was doing some reflecting/processing...
Then, he said,
"You might be right"
And that was all he said.
Then we sat in silence next to each other another couple minutes. I asked if I could hug him and he said yes, he put his arms around me and held me. I told him how I had missed him, and he nodded his head into my shoulder (we were still hugging at the time). Then I let go and sat back against the couch again. He wiped at his eye and just sort of sat there. I told him I was sorry I had not reached out sooner, and that if there was anything he wanted to talk about with me, he didn't have to be afraid of what I would think. He nodded. Then I told him if he wanted to talk to someone else about it, that was fine too. I just didn't want him living under the weight of it, all alone, anymore.
Then I stopped talking except to say that I would love him and accept him regardless of anything he had done. He nodded.
[ALERT: I didn't say I would stay married to him forever regardless of what he CONTINUED to do...no I am not being a doormat! ;)]
I shut up after that because it is my nature to fill silences on his end with thoughts on my end but this was not the time for that. (Probably never was the right thing, truth be told...) Anyway I just let him sit there with his thoughts a few minutes. Then when I could tell it was time, I asked if he needed help picking up in the garage (he and the kids had been building the playset and there were tools and supplies all over when I got home from class). He said i could come help if I wanted.
So we talked about totally unrelated things in the garage. He started telling me all about the playset, what they had gotten built, what remained to be built. I praised him for being such a great dad to build such an awesome playset for his kids. He brushed it off, "It isn't all built YET..."
I started to walk back into the house a few times and each time he would start talking again, just about the playset project, but still I walked back toward him each time and listened. Then he said he would see me/talk to me later and headed toward his truck. I said goodnight and went in the house...
OK now I am going to have to pray about this because I have absolutely no idea what happens next...
Although my first thought is to leave it alone for the time being and let him simmer/process it...
I would imagine he was surprised that I recognized it if it has really been going on this long and I never said anything before.
I said I am here if he wants/needs anything so I have to trust that he heard me and let it be.
Hey Kalni FYI I did tell him that I love having sex with him, I enjoyed doing fun things with him, I missed having sex/being intimate with him, etc etc. He knows I love him and I want him (physically). He said he knew that and believed it completely...
