WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 8

[confusedinpa]

More craziness tonite. I almost didn't take the call, in hindsight maybe I shouldn't have.

We wound up meeting for my 3 year old's baseball game. I picked up my 7 year old (even though it was her nite) and dinner for us. The 4 of us ate. I thought I was being cordial - not too friendly, nor cold. I tried to stay very upbeat and focused on the kids. She had commented about how she tried to text me late last nite and call me but couldn't get a hold of me. I just told her that I got in late.

As it got later, it got much colder and my wife seemed to be battling the stomach bug that had striken my 3 year old earlier this week. She complained about being cold. I wound up giving her my jacket to wear. I really wanted to hug her and hold her close but knew that wouldn't be a good move.

Before we left (she to her apartment with the kids and me back home, alone), I gave both boys big hugs and kisses. I called them to say goodnite as well (when she picked up the phone, she ask that I keep it short as I had just seen then about 30 minutes earlier and it was late). After I said goodnite to the kids, she got on the phone. I just said goodnite to her as hung up.

About 1.5 hours later, she called up again. I really debated whether to answer it or not, particularly since I had a couple of beers already. I answered and she started about how she was very confused. I almost said WTF but let her explain. She said that she doesn't understand what I was doing as she wanted to know if I had changed my mind of wanting to continue to work on the marriage.

I told her that I still did, but reminded her that since she filed for divorce and left, I'm still trying to figure out what to do as I know I can't work on the marriage by myself.

She said that she felt that I gave up and asked what I was doing out so late on cinco de mayo and who I was with. I told her that I was out and got home late and didn't think I needed to tell her since she had left. She reminded me of what I said about how after she left, I asked her if she was going to just start partying. She said she was offended that I even asked as that was something she had never done nor would have considered. So she wanted to know if that was what I was doing and if I had given up.

I told her my feelings haven't changed and reminded her that I had told her before she left that this week I had alot of business meetings off site. I didn't tell her before this week because she had left for her space and time.

She then started saying that if we can't work on a relationship where we are "friends" she doesn't see how she would even consider going out on a date to take our relationship to that level. I told her that when she filed for divorce and left, I thought she wasn't even considering any of that. So I asked if that had changed. She didn't really answer, but sorta implied that if I was "attractive" to her, she would consider it. Really not sure what that means.....

She then said that if it wasn't for the kids, she wouldn't even want to spend anytime with me now with the way I've been treating her. She said it was more of what she had experienced prior to her dropping the bomb and I said that I had changed.

I told her that I really didn't know how I was suppose to treat her as I was trying to respect her boundaries since she left. She said that there is still alot of what we could talk about that wouldn't "intrude" on her boundaries. She said that she feels that we are at a point where we are starting over and trying to decide if we should start dating so we should act that way.

I had gotten the sense from tonite's call, she's looking to see if I really have changed and really feel that she is important to me. Not sure if this is a test or just BS or what.

Any thoughts?!?!?

One of the things that my therapist had suggested was to see if she would make some measurable effort to actually work on the relationship (i.e. go to counseling, on a date, etc.).

Craziness....