Maybe trying was the wrong word--I will not give up hope. I am the calm in the storm for DH, when he is ready to seek safe harbor.
God has the rope for me and DH. This was affirmed for me at church tonight. The bible study was on turning from sinful lives and finding your way home to God. The story of the Prodigal was used to convey this, as well as parts of the Epistles of John.
For years, my DH was my world. He is not anymore. There is a small part to the side for him when he is ready to come home. I had to move him over, as the hole in my life was consuming me. Now, it is a small hole that God can help me around when things seem too hard to bear. When DH is ready to refill his place, I will allow him more room in my life. For now, though, this is what it is. It does not mean that I am not here for him, that I cannot try to show him, through my actions and love, that there is a different, better choice than the one he is following now.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
the ones here who succeed truly detach and "let them go"..there have only been a couple I have seen or posted to personally..one is Gforce and another who reconciled but no longer posts... Mish..I'm saying...if ya let em go they may come back..if you don't they won't..
I said myself on your last thread SMW
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I am just trying to say.. I think you need to let him go.. he needs to do this.. hopefully he will wake up and realise OW is a turd and you are a shining beacon of loveliness.. and come home
Kalni is an example, where she really detached and let go and her H came back. I dont see anything else working around here and I NEVER saw a M restored through the power of prayer alone, sorry.
I am allowing him his own path. The things I said last week had NEVER been said to him. I was not emotionally ready before and he would not have listened. D9 NEEDS to be able to be honest about how she is feeling and thinking. This ties to her own therapy for her emotional disorder, GAD, and ADD. We have been spending months explaining to her and teaching her how to own her feelings and to be able to express them in healthy ways. I will not stifle that.
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And yes this is upsetting and frustrating and not fair and we all want to do something, create some effect on the them, but the way to do that is to put doubt in their minds about the decision they have made...correct bad habits, grow, be a better person, attractive, fun, whatver you were that floats his boat, embrace life, be happy, etc etc.. whatever in YOUR sitch is relevant, but essentially, the girl that he first fell in love with (allowing for childbirth and maturity, so within reason!) and let them be and let them go, do what they have to do, find themselves and hopefully, come back around full circle and realise what they lost.
SMW... are you again, the girl he fell in love with? Becuase thats what you have to be to create doubt in his mind and fight the ow. Which afterall, is what we are trying to achieve here, according to the DB priniples !??
Am I the girl he fell in love? Some, but not entirely. i was a different person 15 years ago, with different dreams, goals, and ambitions. I am fun again, I smile more, I enjoy life--that is part of who I was. But I have found different ways to do it. I love my children, I love my family, and my faith has become much stronger than ever before in my life. I find enjoyment in simple things. I am a better person for all of this, I just wish my kids did not have to suffer the pain for me to get here.
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but there is alot of talk here to what amounts to "saving them", metaphorically throwing life lines/life belts...but you cannot 'save' anyone and especially if they swam off and dont wish to be saved.
They made a choice. They didnt fall overboard.. they jumped ship. There is a difference IMHO.
xxx
And I guess where this is the difference between walking in faith comes in. I see the sins in the world. I recognize them as tricks used by the enemy to turn peoples' hearts away from the Lord. I am commissioned by God, through my faith, to show unconditional love to all, but most especially to those closest to me. That love should include loving rebuke when the path is destructive to self and others.
Perhaps I should stop posting here, as obviously my Christian principles are not gelling with the DB principles.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
They made a choice. They didnt fall overboard.. they jumped ship. There is a difference IMHO.
Ok, yes. Good way of putting it. They did choose, but we are responsible to an extent to not push them further out to sea. Kindness and compassion is necessary. That's my opinion at least. Not to the point of being a doormat, but to respect their choice as their own and leave them to face to consequences of it.
I do not see my actions as doing anything other than presenting the consequences for DH to deal with. It is his fallout, not mine. It is time he picks up the pieces for a change..
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I think SMW is doing that whole-heartedly. Letting her DH wallow in the mess he has made of his family. No man with any kind of self-respect could face that for very long without trying to make some changes. Those changes won't necessarily translate to restoring the M, but it could be changes for the better within himself.
Thank you for the support Mish. While I have no expectations that DH realizing the extent of the hurt h is giving the kids will bring him back, I still have hope that through realizing that pain and working to alleviate it, he will find that his family is where he wants to be.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
For years, my DH was my world. He is not anymore. There is a small part to the side for him when he is ready to come home. I had to move him over, as the hole in my life was consuming me. Now, it is a small hole that God can help me around when things seem too hard to bear. When DH is ready to refill his place, I will allow him more room in my life. For now, though, this is what it is. It does not mean that I am not here for him, that I cannot try to show him, through my actions and love, that there is a different, better choice than the one he is following now.
For years, my DH was my world. He is not anymore. There is a small part to the side for him when he is ready to come home. I had to move him over, as the hole in my life was consuming me. Now, it is a small hole that God can help me around when things seem too hard to bear. When DH is ready to refill his place, I will allow him more room in my life. For now, though, this is what it is. It does not mean that I am not here for him, that I cannot try to show him, through my actions and love, that there is a different, better choice than the one he is following now.
SMW, that is a beautiful way to put it.
Puppy
Puppy--
Am I doing things wrong? Have I missed something that I need to do differently? I have detached as far as I can with four kids. I never contact him unless it is something important about the kids. I try to weigh it against if it is important enough to interrupt his work day. Is my Christian walk out of place with DB?
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
"No one can make me feel inferior without my consent."
You are right, I have very strong faith and am committed to the path I am on. Since I am being supported in my actions by other people of faith-here and in RL-I must be on the right path. Certainly, if I was not, my pastor would tell me.
Thank you for the affirmation.
Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~ SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I agree 100%. You are an inspiration to many, an example of how to stand for your marriage while still GAL'ing and setting some very appropriate boundaries.
Honestly, I see a bit of a difficulty in communication--putting one's faith in being guided by Christian principles vs. astrological principles and the movement of the planets (created and set in motion by God, in my book anyway). I think there's probably an inherent difference in perspective there.
For me, your H's response to what you said was very, very telling. And you said what you said not to provoke a response, but to protect your children. He got it. He also got that "you must really love me."
No, please DON'T stop posting.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
