Learning to Detach

[In Limbo]

KJ,

Your comment about EA moving to PA really has me thinking. I guess part of what makes it so hard is that H is the only man I've ever been with and I'm the only woman he's ever been with (old school, no?). I honestly think that may be part of why EA isn't PA yet (he's concerned about not having enough experience). Well, that coupled with OW's history of abuse and fear of physical touch and the fact that she's still married and may not even be interested in PA. Who knows? But I will admit that I have thought at times that a one night stand would not hurt nearly as much as the PA, knowing he has said he "loves" her and he will "wait for her until he's 80 if he has to." I guess anything is possible, but dealing with PA right now seems overwhelming.

Don't you just love the "I never wanted/want to hurt you" line? Makes me want to scream...."THEN DON'T!!!!!" Or do you get the "what's wrong?" line? But as much as those make me nuts, it's the unguarded slip-ups when I see H before MLC that make me ache. One night about 2 weeks ago, I woke up with him staring me in the face, pulling me to him and kissing him. Then he said "are you ok?" and the look in his eyes had such pain and fear and concern that it made me want to cry. The next day he acted like it never happened. And he DOES NOT talk in his sleep - he was fully awake. Bizarre behavior. The next day is when suddenly he went distant and has stayed that way pretty much ever since. Go figure.

Anyway, have a great trip, try to take some time for just you and I'll be praying that your H will enjoy your girls, miss you and be convicted by what he's doing to his beautiful family.

Take care and keep your chin up!