IMO the quickness of his decisions may be the new r's downfall, they both sound like they have issues.
You may be right. I also want to add that I DO NOT contact him in any way or form. I dont text, email or talk to him. It took me almost 7 months to stop doing this but I finally stopped. JCJ, I use to drive by his house every night after work. What good this done me, I dont know, but It became a nightly thing to do. I finally stopped doing that. The only thing I do now is look ar her myspace page sometimes and I only do this to just see what crazy stuff she writes. I am trying to stop doing this also. I also try not to talk about him in public. We live in a small town and alot of people know us, so it is hard not to run into anybody that dont have something to say. Everyone was shocked at first. My xh seems very happy with his new girl. She is young and very skinny. A older mans dream I guess. The only things that really is hurting me now, is the fact that he doesnt even ask how I am. He knows he left me struggling and he doesnt even ask our son if I am alright as far as fiancially. You can fall out of love but still have a heart. He was the bread winner and he knows I am struggling, he just doesnt care, and that hurts ALOT. I am the mother of his child and I stood by him for 20 years! That alone deserves a "How are You Doing". Anyway Thank You for posting to me, seems like people are starting to not post as much. I guess they are tired of saying the same things over and over, I dont blame them. Time does heal, it is healing me, that along with GOD.
I just wanted to add here that from the people that have posted to me since I started 2 are happily reconciled and 2 are piecing, they just no longer post here. Personally, I think there are a lot more successful people here than we realise, they just stop posting.
I would say you are right about this. There is possibly no way to know the percentage, for one EVERYBODY is different.
Renee, all statistics are based on a SAMPLING. There is no way you can talk to everyone. Everybody is different, but based upon what I have seen on this board, I would estimate the success rate of reunion of abut 5-10% and I think that is a high percentage.
I think the 5 - 10 % is a very generous estimate. After too many years of popping in and out of these boards I have lost count of those who have posted joyously about peicing only to see quite a few pop back to say it all went pear shaped.
So sunshine for now my best advice would be to move ahead and consider X husband well and truly gone. I am sure you could / would be open to hearing him out should he ever have a change of heart,but for your own growth and state of mind don't even think of a return at this juncture.
Just want you all to know I am having a pretty good week. I am preparing for my nephew's birthday, he will be 10. XH still hasnt talked or asked about me....nothing new, didnt expect him to. I was a little down tonight thought due to my financial situation. I am scared of NOT making it. I dont have anyone to turn to but my aunt and she cant help much. It really would make my day if xh called and offered a hand. I can wish and hope cant I.
Renee, all statistics are based on a SAMPLING. There is no way you can talk to everyone. Everybody is different, but based upon what I have seen on this board, I would estimate the success rate of reunion of abut 5-10% and I think that is a high percentage.
I concur. I recently did a straw poll of people who had posted regularly to me over the past year+, out of curiosity and their outcomes.. came out around 10%. I then made a list up with another DBer, so more posters, still 10% (including those that stopped posting, like Abbey and ITH etc)... looking across the boards, 10% max and some of those sitches are looking shaky, so 5-10% is probably about right for success.
Which is what I think the figure would be regardless of DBing, that some ex's DO just want you back in time.
Sunshine, your ex sounds pretty cruel. He is planning on M a 24 year old, he doesnt sound very sorted out. We can all keep saying the same things to you, that its very sad, but looks like this man has walked out on you and isnt making any attempts to even give you friendship. Take good care of yourself.
Just want you all to know I am having a pretty good week. I am preparing for my nephew's birthday, he will be 10. XH still hasnt talked or asked about me....nothing new, didnt expect him to. I was a little down tonight thought due to my financial situation. I am scared of NOT making it. I dont have anyone to turn to but my aunt and she cant help much. It really would make my day if xh called and offered a hand. I can wish and hope cant I.
I am so very sorry that you are having it tough financally. Unfortunately, that is one of the signature problems that happens with this. You can forget about any help from XH. It seems to me that a big part of this MLC, or whatever you wish to call it is to make certain that nothing is done moneywise. I don't really know why that is, but they could care less if you have a place to live, anything to eat, or any basic needs. Can't count on any help from him Renee, look at a refyi on your house, maybe another job? Its tough I know.
Ali, you are right, it is sad. Yes is planning on getting married to this young girl and so soon. But again I remember when we got together, he married me after only 6 months of knowing each other. He can be so charming and convienceing (I know I misspelled that) that its hard to say no to him. He says he is sooooo angry with me and we will never be friends. I just dont get why HE is angry with ME, it should be the other way around, but I did do some stupid things after he left. I wouldnt accept that he wanted out, so I stalked him basically. The first one I caught him with the morning after I moved back into our origional home, in my opinion, I had a right to be upset and if I could have gotten in the house where they were, it wouldnt have been good. No I am not proud of it now, but then I could of cared less. That one he deserved. The second woman, well he realllly liked her. He recreated a new past life for himself to impress her. We still werent divorced when he was with her at first. I again found out who she was and called her. She was very upset and broke it off with him when I told her the truth about him. I dont think he has gotten over me doing that. This last ow, the one he is with now, he said I WOULD NEVER talk to her. I tried like with the other two, but he conveniced her not to talk to me. That has been months ago and I do regret that. We were and are divorced so I had no right to try and contact her. During this time, I also showed up at his front door and begged him until he let me in. We would be intimate and then he would get mad and throw me out afterwards. I brought all this on myself, I had no pride left. I also would show up and he wouldnt let me in at times, I refused to leave until he threatened calling the law. During some of these times, we were divorced, so he didnt deserve this. I just couldnt get rid of the anger and rejection. I refused to believe he didnt want to be with me any longer. I think this is the reason that he carries so much anger still. I probably ruined any friendship we could have had. BUT he ruined my life, so I guess we ruined each other. I do wish I had a do over and wish I had found this site in the beginning of my sitch. I am hoping that one day he can forgive me for how I reacted as I am trying to forgive him for walking out on his family that needs and loves him so much. I dont understand though how he came to give up the one thing he loved to do and that is fishing. He would go everyday if he could of. He taught my son to love the sport as well. Now he doesnt seem to care and even told my son maybe next year they can go. He doesnt have a truck to pull his friends boat with, BUT he can always go with someone else if he wanted to as he did this alot to. We were so settled in life. He had a good job, a good family and a group of friends that stuck by him, along with the hobby he loved most. He has NONE of the above now with the exception of one close friend (well maybe 2)that I know of and one of them is also going through MLC or whatever because he too left his wife of 25 years.
Hey Sunshine.....just read your post...I hope it gets better for you, It is so hard for me as well....but I pray and pray and pray that's all we can do ...pray for peace,for the Lords grace and mercy....so many people in here with broken hearts and some with a testimony that gives those of us hope to just be still and wait....I'll send something in f/b later on today going in to work.......yuk!!!!!!!!! Be blessed....
I haven't posted to you but have followed your threads. I could see how badly you were trying to make sense out of your XH's nonsense. I think it took awhile to realize that there are no logical answers -- there is a loosely-based "script" that these guys follow, but even that is illogical for the most part.
You are questioning your XH's sudden disinterest in his great passion (fishing). Well, my XH did this in reverse. During the 20 years we were married, he never showed an interest in hunting. We never even had a gun in the house. Well, about a year prior to the "bomb", he began collectng guns. By the time he actually left, he had two large gun cases filled with guns (my son estimated about $200,000 in guns).
Then he became the great white hunter. He went on canned hunting trips every weekend. I'm sure he kept his taxidermist bisy for a couple of years (probably about 75 mounted "heads" ... yuk!).
Just before I filed for divorce, he took his young OW on an African safari hunt.
During the D, he lost all interest in guns and hunting. He hasn't been hunting in almost 2 years now. I thought it was a good sign (that maybe the fog was lifting) but he is still stuck.
There just isn't any rhyme or reason to this stuff.
