Man Overboard

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Well, here's another one that immediately thought of "Praise You in This Storm". Casting Crowns is my favorite and that song has resonated so much with me. I used to sit and listen to it over and over and cry heartily. Now it just brings me a lot of comfort that God is there for us through the worst of times.

You are doing so well SMW! Keep it up!

I am good Mish. I have been praying today. I need to finish a paper for school tonight to be turned in by tomorrow. I thought I had until Sunday, but the prof gave me the wrong date. I am still going to church, though. I need that time for me.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

LOL and all seriousness aside..... I've been WAITING for you to title a thread with this one. I love the boat and water analogies.


I hear you singing from here!

Blessings,

The funny thing is, Sandy, I never thought of this one until I got the devotional. How odd is that?

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

You are throwing the ring to Dan again, as I am for DH.

I'll caution both of you...be careful of throwing the life rings, they may just drag you down with them..

God has the rope, Mike. He will not allow DH to pull me down.

if I were you two..I'd throw em the anchors...but what do I know I'd let them either sink or swim..

They are already sinking. Loving unconditionally means that I have to keep trying.

you two know the drill and now is the time to "not start over"

so stay centered...emotionally...let them flounder

I am never going back to where I was. I didn't like me then and I have learned to love me now--with or without my DH.

and another thing..this board is cycling again...lots of weird things happening and as you know the posters here tend to "try" things when this board cycles and sometimes cause their sitches to go backwards because of it..

Other than the long overdue talk I had with DH last week, I have not tried anything new. I did not ask DH to go to D9's counseling. It was his idea and she wants him there. What is going to happen? I don't know.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

and another thing..this board is cycling again...lots of weird things happening and as you know the posters here tend to "try" things when this board cycles and sometimes cause their sitches to go backwards because of it..

Do you really think that the posters start making crap happen just because things slowed down for everyone? That would be pretty shallow and stupid wouldn't it. Now, if there is genuinely something to salvage, shouldn't they try?

I don't think the posters start things just to start things. I think there is a trickle down affect. They see something having an impact on someone else's thread and give it a go in their own lives. But, we are dealing with people, not board threads, and not everyone responds the same. However, yes, we do need to try--just in the way that best fits our sitch. And, sometimes, the best action is no action.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Mike,

I was thinking the same thing.

I like Mike.

I know this is SMW's thread, but SC, I thought you 'got' where I was coming from. In my case I am offering him the life preserver, but for me it will most likely be for the last time. I want to help lift him up, not go under with him. If he refuses help and continues to flounder, so be it!

BBJ-

I don't think what you are doing wrong, but make sure you do not get sucked into drama in the process. Pray, alot, before you talk to him. Ask God to give you wisdom, grace, and strength to get through it and that Dan is receptive to what you say. then, leave it in God's hands.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[AliSuddenly]

Hey everyone, I agree with Mike, totally...

the ones here who succeed truly detach and "let them go"..there have only been a couple I have seen or posted to personally..one is Gforce and another who reconciled but no longer posts...
Mish..I'm saying...if ya let em go they may come back..if you don't they won't..

I said myself on your last thread SMW

I am just trying to say.. I think you need to let him go.. he needs to do this.. hopefully he will wake up and realise OW is a turd and you are a shining beacon of loveliness.. and come home

Kalni is an example, where she really detached and let go and her H came back. I dont see anything else working around here and I NEVER saw a M restored through the power of prayer alone, sorry.

And yes this is upsetting and frustrating and not fair and we all want to do something, create some effect on the them, but the way to do that is to put doubt in their minds about the decision they have made...correct bad habits, grow, be a better person, attractive, fun, whatver you were that floats his boat, embrace life, be happy, etc etc.. whatever in YOUR sitch is relevant, but essentially, the girl that he first fell in love with (allowing for childbirth and maturity, so within reason!) and let them be and let them go, do what they have to do, find themselves and hopefully, come back around full circle and realise what they lost.

SMW... are you again, the girl he fell in love with? Becuase thats what you have to be to create doubt in his mind and fight the ow. Which afterall, is what we are trying to achieve here, according to the DB priniples !??

but there is alot of talk here to what amounts to "saving them", metaphorically throwing life lines/life belts...but you cannot 'save' anyone and especially if they swam off and dont wish to be saved.

They made a choice. They didnt fall overboard.. they jumped ship. There is a difference IMHO.

xxx

[mishka422]

They made a choice. They didnt fall overboard.. they jumped ship. There is a difference IMHO.

Ok, yes. Good way of putting it. They did choose, but we are responsible to an extent to not push them further out to sea. Kindness and compassion is necessary. That's my opinion at least. Not to the point of being a doormat, but to respect their choice as their own and leave them to face to consequences of it.

I think SMW is doing that whole-heartedly. Letting her DH wallow in the mess he has made of his family. No man with any kind of self-respect could face that for very long without trying to make some changes. Those changes won't necessarily translate to restoring the M, but it could be changes for the better within himself.

Mike - I now get what you were saying. I thought you were saying that people were just doing stuff to stir crud up, not that they were genuinely making an effort in their R using the example of something someone did here. Gotcha. Message heard. We are prone to acts of desperation sometimes, but I hope that anyone here will learn as much as possible but only employ what seems will reflect well on their own sitch.

[AliSuddenly]

Hey Mish,
YES! To respect their choice essentially, as hard as that is and remain their compassionate, loving friend...but let them go, live their choice, feel the weight of their decision. BUT.. my DB coach told me not to refer to my ex's depression or buy into his moaning or complaining or say, ohh are you ok? Men dont like to be reminded of their suffering, it makes them feel inadequate and its not generally how they communicate. Its a fine line, but better to be the fun, upbeat, greener grass.

I think I may have to give up posting this stuff, I feel like I am shouting into the wind and anyway, what do I know? My ex is still not home either, despite some pretty positive messages from his friends.

[sandycay]

Mike,

I was thinking the same thing.

I like Mike.

I know this is SMW's thread, but SC, I thought you 'got' where I was coming from. In my case I am offering him the life preserver, but for me it will most likely be for the last time. I want to help lift him up, not go under with him. If he refuses help and continues to flounder, so be it!

BBJ (sorry for hijacking, but BBJ doesn't have a thread right now)

I totally get where you are coming from... in fact I think I posted to you about it first on your thread. My comment to Mike was about a general observation (really didn't even think about you at all). We all get frustrated and such and it goes in circles or seasons. I am totally for you confronting Dan on this issue and offering a life perserver... because honestly if you don't, no one else will. I think you have great courage taking this on and it shows real love .... what he does with it is up to him.

Maybe it's the kick in the pants that he needs and it is a 180 from anything you have ever done.

Blessings,

[ernest88]

I guess here is where I get a little lost...

I do believe God has the rope for you SMW...but it may not be a rope to save your M or bring you back together...it could be a rope to pull you away from DH.to save you..of course only God has the answer to that.

and I don't view this as loving unconditionally

Loving unconditionally means that I have to keep trying.

I guess we all have our own definitions but unconditional love to me is

having it in your heart to take them back when or if they return..I have a real problem when a LBS says they need to keep "trying" saying that makes me think that the LBS means they have a plan to bring them back..in all actuality..they come back when and if they want..it's their (WAS) decision IMO..