I grew up in a combative household where the words flew freely. When I left home, I figured out that I wouldn't have any friends if I approached confrontation that way! So I opted to walk away and institute a cooling off period.

This cooling off is interpreted as abandonment by Mr. Wonderful. In the early days of our M (we have technically been married for 13 years, but lived together a year before that), Mr. W. would pursue me until I yelled awful things at him. Then he learned to leave me alone but got mad at me for needing space.

My 180 (a new development): to return to the scene of the crime and keep my mouth shut. Even though Mr. W. knows I'm mad, he seems happier that I'm at least in his physical space when I'm angry.

And then he's more inclined to treat me nicely and offer to spend time with me!

Goal for this next week: To catch him doing something good or saying something hopeful and then affirm him. Or remark on how I've noticed that he's changed for the better. See if he affirms back or if it takes a few days for him to feel good enough to include me in some plans.

I cheated... Laurie helped me with this one earlier this morning! But it's good practice--somehow when I type things, I internalize them!

UD

"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

Albert Einstein