Please, don't try to figure it out. Just run like hell.
Just going to get custody of D1 and split. Thankfully I've got a ton of evidence to present and am in the driver's seat of the D right now. Her attorney still hasn't responded to my Motion for Psychological Evaluation and it has been a full month. W/MIL still haven't even mentioned it to me during any of the custody swaps. I'd figure they'd have had something smart-ass to say at least, but they instead act nicey-nice and pretend like nothing is happening.
I'm guessing their attorney has been split now because they aren't getting what they want fast enough. If I received an "offer" from them it would be "Give us all the money and give up custody of your daughter and we'll... uh... just give it."
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
D1 stood up by herself this morning. Normally she needs something to pull up onto, but she adjusted herself, stuck her butt in the air, and stood up. Too cute!
All I get out of W is negative, and when I've asked her during the beginning of our S to name anything positive about me she has not been able to think of a single thing. Rage is the name of the game right now... W is comfortable accusing me of everything short of being Hitler.
Her attitude is completely negative and it is affecting the children, and ultimately they and I deserve better. There is no reason for me to look back. I know she is justifying her A, but when she made it a legal issue and started withholding D1 as "punishment" for my sins real or imagined it is no longer a question of whether I can save my M but whether my M is worth saving.
Each day that passes slips that scale further to the no answer and I'm feeling more and more comfortable with that. I have no reason to subject myself or my children to legal risks by trying to work things out with her down the road. Best to use my advantage and be done with her.
I know they say not to involve others in your M and the decisions you make - but ultimately everyone in my family is 100% solidly in the "run like Hell" category. Given the situation and circumstances, nobody would support me giving her another shot.
I'm not sure I'd support myself. She has done too much damage... and she has been intent on doing that damage to assuage her own guilt.
I just feel empowered more and more each day to break free from what has been an unhealthy relationship for me and my children.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
W is great at appearing normal/helpless in a sprint.
My strength lies in knowledge of both myself and W's false-self, my knowledge and experience in the legal process, my documentation and CYA philosophy of W's behavior, and my solid support system.
When I have D1 now W makes ominous claims that I'm not taking care of her. I'm taking care of her just fine, but I do know that W didn't have a problem with me keeping her while she was running around with OM. The only reason she has a problem now is to punish me for finding out.
Once I began understanding what I was dealing with, I strictly limited our contact and virtually shut down communication. Ultimately I think that by engaging with her I'm giving her more of a reason to try and trash me. The distortion campaign is alive and well, but I think she is not going to find as much support as she thought she would have.
W is acting like a fogged wayward from some of the things I've seen... but this is to the extreme, i.e. "DCBHM molested the baby!" instead of normal justifications for her behavior.
I didn't want the war, but ultimately I think W will be more bark than bite if I play things right. Still an unpleasant situation.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
You do need to protect yourself. Accusing you of MOLESTING your baby is not a small thing. Yet, she IS sick. Just like an Alzeimher's patient says some pretty off the wall things, her psychiatric illness is causing her to do the same. Remember that. Love her, don't love the illness or the actions from the illness.
She accused you of molesting the baby? That is scary that she would be so extreme. Now I understand why you have to do so much to protect yourself. Scary!!!!
Exactly. And I have taken every possible step short of the Psych Eval prior to making the decision to fire that volley. I asked her to get help. I asked her family to help me get her help. I asked any number of things - and ultimately I took this action when no other opportunity was available.
Just like the contested D... I was willing to file jointly, get it over with, etc. but she was offended that I drew up papers... after saying she wanted the D. Nothing I asked for was unreasonable. I asked for 50/50 split custody and pretty much a 65/35 split of our savings (in her favor). Otherwise it was hold each other harmless for debts and go our separate ways.
Wasn't good enough for her. She seems more interested in assigning blame than in actually getting divorced. I ask her what she wants out of the D and the canned response is "I dunno." It is crazy-making.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
She accused you of molesting the baby? That is scary that she would be so extreme. Now I understand why you have to do so much to protect yourself. Scary!!!!
She hinted at it (as did her mother) but their attorney quickly backed them off of that. No evidence as well as no reason to even think it.
Actually had to go through that before when my xW was accused of molesting my oldest S8. So I'm extremely sensitive to the topic anyway.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
D1 was sitting in her high chair eating a biscuit with bacon this morning... naturally as soon as she sees me she starts throwing her food and reaching out to me. I wiped her off with a wet rag and picked her up to go play in the nursery. She grabbed hold of my finger and pulled me along through the room saying "DA DA" and giggling.
I'm going to meet with my lawyers today to discuss the upcoming PsyEval hearing as well as my long-term strategic goals.
When you get into contested litigation with someone displaying traits of a personality disorder the war analogy actually does seem to fit like a glove. I'm thinking in terms of tactical and strategic goals, and my long-term plan is sound thus far. I've also got a pretty good idea of my weak points and where she plans to attack me, though how successful that is remains to be seen.
I guess the positive thing is that I'm not playing on defense currently - and by having the fault ground evidence they will be hesitant to engage me too hard for fear of being unable to reach a negotiated settlement - which I don't think is a possibility at the moment. This is W's popularity contest... she has to "prove" that I'm a jerk and be validated by the guy in the robe to feel successful, no matter how much $$$ is flushed down the drain. She can always take heart that it is my fault I suppose, at least in her mind.
"You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into."
