Setting Boundaries for MLC Alien H

[In Limbo]

Thanks so much guys! It's good to have some folks to talk with.

I don't talk about issues with H in front of the boys at all. In the past, I've made excuses for his bad behavior but I'm just tired of that. I do sometimes just say I'm not sure why Dad is that way/did that and encourage them to talk with him about it. Is that ok? H accuses me of "turning them against him" but he just won't face the fact that they are bright young men that have their own minds, thoughts, feelings. I am very careful about what I say around them and always try to be very positive about H around them.

If it turns into a PA, I'm not sure I could handle that. We were high school sweethearts, never been with anyone else. So, if it becomes PA then I think I would not want him in the house any longer and would want a formal legal separation. I'm leaning toward that at this moment anyway because I feel like he's already given her heart to her and it's becoming so painful to be around him. Until about a week ago we were getting along very well but now everything about me seems to be an irritant to him and he's so angry/short with me over nothing all of the sudden. Until I figure out how to detach more, that attitude is killing me. Not sure my shoes and feet are ready for the long hard walk of MLC. I'll certainly have to toughen up ALOT! Part of me wonders if he's trying to see if he can get me to react and wants me to ask him to leave. He keeps saying he doesn't want to be "that guy" and maybe if he can get me to ask him to leave permanently, then he can say "she is the one that kicked me out." Is that a typical MLC thing? Or am I mind reading????

I went to MC by myself since he couldn't make it. Our next appointment isn't for two weeks and if he doesn't go, I'll keep going for IC. The C is a proponent of marriage, but also of tough love. It's hard for me to know how tough love will impact a MLCer and what the difference is between boundaries and tough love. And what's the point of boundaries anyway if MLCer won't respect them? I guess boundaries are really for us LBS? The point at which we know we can't continue or must take action of some sort?

Sorry, know this is long and rambling. My concentration today isn't worth a dime and my thoughts are scattered.

After work, going to pick up my boys and do something. Maybe I'll take them to the Y and work out and then let them swim.

No expectations of hearing from H the rest of the week and actually don't want to talk with him. Too much going through my head to try to act "as if" and cheerful.