Desperate for direction

[Doingitright]

So here is a quick and dirty of where I am and need some pointers to move this stalemate somehow:

The sitch started with …W said not attracted to me any longer. And didn’t love me. Found out W had emotional affair as far as I know and W admitted to it and said it is done and not worth throwing her family away. I said I wanted a divorce and W begged for us not to do it for the kids sake. W said we should go to counseling and try and fix the marriage. W said she wanted to get a career to contribute to the family named two things which were completely out of left field for her. Since that conversation nothing has been discussed or done as far as I know on that subject. W has a small business that brings in some $. But W has now come to the revelation, after 4 to 5 years of building up clientèle, that she does not enjoy it so she no longer wants it. . W has withdrawn from most of her circle (our circle) of very closest friends and neighbors. We used to do things every weekend with one family or another. This withdrawn sitch is to a point of asking me to do things so she does not have to see the friends at the school bus stop. She seems to have replaced them with corresponding with her old high school friends from back home. And trying to see them over a weekend here or there while I watch the kids several states away.
Recent developments "last 18 days"…. W loves me very deeply but is still not attracted to me. We are going to counseling but it has only been 2 sessions so far which seem like months pass in between each session which is weekly.
We have been in a no intimate situation since January. We have 2 little K’s. We sleep in the same bed. We now kiss good night, good by and hello (just pecks on the lips no passion or wet sloppy ones). There are no longer arguments, yelling or heated debates. We have so little together we don’t even get mad or upset with each other. Read the DR as recommended by DB counselor. No begging or pleading or discussions about our relationship or lack thereof, unless it is at the counselors office. I have withheld the ILY’s and she gets annoyed and called me on it. So we now say ILY’s on most call endings and good byes and she was the leader in that. We are not hostile to one another but every time we bump or touch we say sorry or apologize. I have done 180’s and all sorts of things but we still come back to no one home when it comes to us. She asks about summer vacations and planning things in the future but when it comes time to plan it she is absent. No help, no thoughts she just wants is done for her. This has happened with a lot of things around the house and in our lives lately. Seems like she just dropped everything and hoped someone would pick it up and run with it. Because of the kids I picked it up. She has told only 2 people a limited story on our sitch, she said they are the only ones, that we are going to counseling for a rough patch. This is also so very unlike her as she spent every waking moment walking, running, lunching, and all other daily things with this group of women/families during the day when the kids are in school. The area pools are opening in two weeks and she is usually the first one to get passes and this year nothing. W and kids and other families spent every day at the pool for two straight months every summer. For W this is all very erratic behavior.

So here is the question part…I know it takes a long time to turn the boat around but what am I dealing with here? It seems like just an EAF but then it seems like an MLC.