You sent the OM a letter via email? So, she agreed to no contact, and the OM knows it. But, yet, they talked. Not good. I would have your wife write a no contact letter, that you are able to read, and send on your own. She needs to explain all of this to him. That they will NEVER talk or see each other again, and that this is what she wants because she loves YOU. Discuss that no contact means absolutely NO CONTACT via email, school, phone, etc. If she DOES contact him in any way, shape, or form she HAS to tell you. This is the way to build the trust. You can't have a good relationship with someone you don't trust. She needs to repair this.
Discuss your and HER need for this. Does she know how important her "no contact" is? DOes she have the book, "Not Just Friends"? Until I followed through on "no contact" there was absolutely no chance for my husband and I to work things out. I've said this many times before. The OM is like a drug. If she is seeing him then she is getting a little "hit" from him each time. It keeps her thoughts on him, and thoughts of when the next "hit" will be. Can you figure out different "pick up" arrangements for your child? Bus? Or even a different place to park from now on? She needs to realize the importance of this before she will be able to follow it.
