I'm sorry you feel so down! I have these moments still every once in a while, but you HAVE to learn how to deal with it by yourself or a friend, or us over here. Anybody, but NOT your H! Get through the dips and boost your PMA whichever way you can and concentrate on having a good time!
The fact that your H seems so disconnected from friends and stuff really confirms the MLC aspect of his attitude. You will NEVER be able to lift him out of that. He will have to do that on his own.
Originally Posted By: mindblank
I don't have any friends that really know about this.
I was a little surprised about this. It seemed to me from your posts that you had a lot of friends that you confided in. If I misunderstood, then I would suggest you start. It was when I started talking to others about the sitch instead of masking it, that I really started to be able to detach and have peace with myself. Knowing I had worked on myself a lot already and was on the way to becoming the person I wanted to be.
I would venture to bet that the best time to be as detached as you can be is right AFTER he's had a good time with you. Of course that's also the hardest time to be detached (it is for me). I've noticed in my own sitch that it helps. I've called it a "hit and run" sort of behavior. You have a GREAT time together, then you immediately go back to being busy and detached. Let him contact you. Let him think about what he's (considering) walking away from.
I read once that it takes 20 pleasant interactions with your spouse to make up for a bad one. I really think there's truth in that! Think about that when you are thinking about bringing up R talk. Every time you bring up the R, it sets you back. When my W moved out, I was against it (of course!), but after a week I told her that maybe it would be good for us because it would limit the bad interactions and allow us to have only good ones.
You have proven that you can be detached, now keep it up. You can do it. Go back to what you were doing over the past couple of weeks. Having fun, moving forward with life (you noticed I did NOT say moving ON with life) and letting him have a glimpse of how life could be with you. Fun, entertaining, fulfilling, and enjoyable!
