Hopefully I'll hear something soon either way so I can get on with my life.
OK, so let's say she calls you tonight and says she's definitely not coming back...what would your course of action be then? Would you try to change her mind? Finally move on? Turn her in for what she's done?
I know she has said ILY a couple of times, but she doesn't love you enough (or she would have been home already). Do you really think that's all you deserve?
My H decided a few months ago he wanted to pursue a different, more exciting life apart from me with a group of friends that live far away. There was not another woman, but a group of people whose lifestyle he envied, more open, etc. I was devastated and tried to get him to counsel, etc. to no avail.
I read Divorce Busting and employed those techniques and for the most part stayed on track and they did work. H told me a couple of weeks ago that he wanted our marriage to work and would be giving our marriage his full attention. That was right before he went to visit his friends again. When H came back he was excited to see me but I noticed a shift in H that seemed to be more in line with his previous behavior. I questioned if H felt he was not 100% sure he wanted to commit to our marriage or having second thoughts. H answered yes. I had expected his answer to be yes but it hurt nonetheless. Unfortunately I lost it and came unglued. I told him I could not go back to the way we were. H indicated he still wants our marriage to work but won't fully commit to me and found that may be he was wrong to abandon his idea of starting a new life.
We both live and work together and the days have been tense. There is no way for us to separate and keep our jobs and this job market/economy in no way helps. Although I want our marriage to work I don't know if I can go back and suck it up.
I should probably be happy H is staying and showing interest and love towards our marriage but I have remarked to him how difficult it is to live with someone that is thinking/pursuing another life while with me. I told H I should go find another place to live and H told me that would be an emotional response and not beneficial to our financial/work situation. So I gave him an ultimatum me or his friends and he asked me not to do that, not to give an ultimatum. H indicated he wants our marriage to survive but is not giving up his friends. By the way, it is already a non option to stay married and for him to visit his group of friends (long distance). H has basically made it an all or nothing option through his actions/words. So, I am in the position of compromising my feelings and staying and continuing my DB'ing techniques; or, going dark. Feedback would be very much appreciated.
Michele
Me 42 married in 1993, together 22 years H 41 H about a year ago started connecting with friends and drifting away from our marriage/friendship H two weeks ago wanted to reconcile H a week ago having second thoughts about reconciling
Chel - You need to start your own thread for people to reply. Welcome to the revolution.
You are still going to let her make the decision? Reread Gucci and others, right when I think you are doing well, you say something like this...
Ok, that just clicked for me. I got it now. IT'S NOT HER DECISION, IT'S MINE!
COPY ALL!!!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
OK, so let's say she calls you tonight and says she's definitely not coming back...what would your course of action be then? Would you try to change her mind? Finally move on? Turn her in for what she's done?
Good questions. Per DB guidelines, I would not try to change her mind as that would be pursuing, whining, begging, pleading, whatever you want to call it. Yes, I would finally move on. But it's not over till there is a divorce and according to this site, it's not even over then if I don't want it to be. I am still considering if I should turn her in at this point. I would consider if she gets nasty and tries to get custody of my daughter--other than that, I'm not sure at this point.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
Funny, just got a call from her. Earlier than I expected as E8 results come out tomorrow. She asked if I was excited. I told her I was but am trying to not get too excited in the event I don't make it. She asked if she could come over tonight to talk. Ok I said, come on over. And in case you're wondering, no I'm not excited at this point--I am however extremly wary as I don't want my heart smashed to a bloody pulp again, thank you very much!
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
gonna work on my jet ski, get it ready to sell, opening the swimming pool so I my daughter and I can swim this weekend, gonna take my D to see that new Wolverine movie after her counseling session on Sat, and gonna try to catch up on my sleep!
Plus, I'm going to finally clean up the last two rooms of my house that the wife left trashed.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
John=strong, dignified man who needs to be *sold* on why he should waste any more time on a juvenile, cheating, misbehavin' fool.
Stay in character.
I'd love for YOU to decide when the night is over, rather than letting her linger as long or as little as she likes. I wonder if you should set up an "out"... someone you can text at the end of the night, who will then call you, pretending to need your help for something. "Oh, gotta go help a friend with something."
