Over the Shock - Detaching and GALing 3

[Thinker]

Reposting this here from SmileysPerson's Thread

Thinker:

Start warming it up TODAY by changing the tone of your daily life with her. Stop and take a moment every day to connect with a hug, passionate kisses, and eye contact. Tell her when you think she looks pretty/sexy/hot/beautiful - don't just think it. Tell her what you love about her. That is showing desire for your woman. That is giving her the clue that you are interested.

If your W has expressed that she wants passion but she thinks that you two can't have it, it is because she is waiting for you to lead her in intimacy. So, don't go *too* slowly. If you tiptoe around initiating, for example, she might find it whimpy and not manly (she will sense your fear of going in for the kill.)

Don't be lazy. Picture her as a new girlfriend. Take her out on dates -- you pick the time and place without asking for her approval. Do unexpected things. Bring home her favorite treat or flowers "just because."

I am SO happy for you, Thinker. Now you have a chance to address the root of the problem that caused her to walk away.

Start NOW.

Lucky

Thanks for the advice Lucky. I am really struggling with how to get started here, mainly because I am reluctant to move too fast and drive her away.

We are friendly and cooperative around the house and together, but there is still a wall of tension up between us. We both feel it. There is a lot of built up anger there inside of her, and well-learned fear of rejection inside of me.

As far as passionate kisses, right now there are none. If I initiate a peck on the lips, she pecks back, which is better than a couple of months ago when she would turn and I would get her cheek. If I try to linger or kiss more passionately, she looks disturbed and asks me to stop. She says she "just can't". I know her - she is a kisser, loves to kiss, loves to be kissed, etc, but for her kissing is more intimate than ML and she can't get past her current internal emotions.

I also have to be careful with the compliments. I do tell her that she is beautiful, and really try to be specific - I like her hair that way, or the new jeans look great or that shirt brings out her eyes, etc. As soon as it gets beyond complimentary and becomes flirty, she shuts me down. If, for example I say (as she is headed out all dressed up) "Man you look hot tonight" , she shuts me down again and I hear later (in MC) that when I say it she feels pressured "like I am expecting something from her and she just can't")

Dates and occasional flowers, we go on dates regularly and I do bring flowers occasionally. If I make the dates too romantic or the flowers too frequent, she starts to feel overwhelmed.

She initiated ML once recently, which was a real surprise for me, but is still much of the time not responsive, which has made me very hesitant to initiate. It is a classic problem. Physical Affection is how I feel and express love - so of course when I was traveling a lot and working long hours, in the few hours I was with her all I wanted to do was... I think that over the years she had sex with me too many times without feeling love herself and now she is just angry (at herself) and resentful (at me).

So anyway, I am thinking that I have to move slowly, and start bringing more of what you were referring to as "the tone" into the R. I have to get our R to be more sensual and intimate, without making sex a pressure or an obligation.

The only problem is that I am not very good at understated sensuality. I have to learn, and am open to ANY suggestions.