"But, how do you ignore the issue about the car seat? That's my daughter's safety."
I understand what you are saying. This is one of those things that needs to be addressed. You should also be writing it down.
It is going to come down to how you deliver it. The idea would be to get your point across without seeming confrontational. Pulling him to the side where it is just you and him and saying.. this is what you did and I need to have your assurance this is not going to happen again. Make your arguments with "I" statements. Not with "you" statements.
"Advice?"
The money he got really does not matter. I am gonna take a hard line here and encourage you to get the court thing going. You can ask for him to repay you.. but don't do it more than once. Also keep in mind that if you take late payments from someone.. you are in a sense giving them "credit". As far as CS goes you need to stay on top of it with the courts.
"So, basically...if I stop treating him like he's an incompetent, idiot, that isn't as smart as me, and can't do anything right, including taking care of his responsibilities....maybe, just maybe....he'll start acting like a competent, intelligent, smart, responsible, dependable, father and ex-husband?"
Maybe. The one thing I can say for sure is that you will be a much more pleasant person to be around. That sounds like a "win" to me. Or at the very least he will become dependable. Think about the energy you are wasting by not doing this.
"So, regarding the UI money. What if when I see him, I just ask how the job search is going....sympathize with him. Ask him how the battle goes with UI. If he says he still isn't receiving any money...I'll just look at him & say okay". Then go get it through the DA. If I fight him for the money...and tell him I know...he'll just get defensive and mean."
Hmm.. and here you are telling me you don't know how to do all this stuff and you don't understand. That seems completely reasonable to me.
"I would write him an email stating how much he owes you in back CS and request that when he gets his UI he pays it."
Do it in person and just write it down. Not saying that the email is wrong.. I just don't know that it is that important to document it. He has not paid.. you can prove that by showing your bank records. It's up to him to prove he has paid his "dues" she could walk into court and say he has never paid anything.. and guess what.. unless he can prove he has.. he will have to pay it all over again.
"I really think that the nice thing isn't going to work with your H."
And this is a possibility. All I am going to say is that what she is doing right now.. is not working either. Again I think that the act of being "nice" will be fake for a while.. but it will get more "real" as time goes on. If all she does is slow down his reactions (name calling/being a DA in General) by 5% I would be thrilled with that and I suspect she would be too.. cause she will be upset 5% less.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
