My H decided a few months ago he wanted to pursue a different, more exciting life apart from me with a group of friends that live far away. There was not another woman, but a group of people whose lifestyle he envied, more open, etc. I was devastated and tried to get him to counsel, etc. to no avail.
I read Divorce Busting and employed those techniques and for the most part stayed on track and they did work. H told me a couple of weeks ago that he wanted our marriage to work and would be giving our marriage his full attention. That was right before he went to visit his friends again. When H came back he was excited to see me but I noticed a shift in H that seemed to be more in line with his previous behavior. I questioned if H felt he was not 100% sure he wanted to commit to our marriage or having second thoughts. H answered yes. I had expected his answer to be yes but it hurt nonetheless. Unfortunately I lost it and came unglued. I told him I could not go back to the way we were. H indicated he still wants our marriage to work but won't fully commit to me and found that may be he was wrong to abandon his idea of starting a new life.
We both live and work together and the days have been tense. There is no way for us to separate and keep our jobs and this job market/economy in no way helps. Although I want our marriage to work I don't know if I can go back and suck it up.
I should probably be happy H is staying and showing interest and love towards our marriage but I have remarked to him how difficult it is to live with someone that is thinking/pursuing another life while with me. I told H I should go find another place to live and H told me that would be an emotional response and not beneficial to our financial/work situation. So I gave him an ultimatum me or his friends and he asked me not to do that, not to give an ultimatum. H indicated he wants our marriage to survive but is not giving up his friends. By the way, it is already a non option to stay married and for him to visit his group of friends (long distance). H has basically made it an all or nothing option through his actions/words. So, I am in the position of compromising my feelings and staying and continuing my DB'ing techniques; or, going dark. Feedback would be very much appreciated.
Michele
Me 42 married in 1993, together 22 years H 41 H about a year ago started connecting with friends and drifting away from our marriage/friendship H two weeks ago wanted to reconcile H a week ago having second thoughts about reconciling
