WAW1 - Anticipation

[PositivelyMommy]

Mark,

I really like Kev's suggestion for giving your W a schedule. Something to the effect of two nights a week and every other weekend is good enough. You don't need to disclose everything to her. If she needs you last minute, she can call you but no guarantees. You can just say that you'll try to work something out if something comes up.

Negotiation is such a big part of marriage. The irony is that once parents split up, it takes REALLY GOOD negotiation skills to co-parent, at the exact time when emotions are running high and all you want to do is get away from your partner for a little bit.

I think we all would be in a better place in our M if we had taken a negotiations course as part of a pre-marital couselling course. That would have saved so many heartaches in my M anyway.

[markhaving probs]

PM,

I see on Kev's thread you want some support for your counselling session tomorrow.

I don't know where your thread is so I'm having to respond to your kind post. Please let me know where it is to offer my support to you.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow and I hope from the bottom of my heart it goes well for you.

Best wishes,

Mark

[PositivelyMommy]

Hi Mark,

thanks so much for your support! I am in Infidelity, PM Thread #5 - Hope new plan works.

Thanks again!

[markhaving probs]

Good morning everyone,

I had a nice evening with my children last night. We had dinner, we watched one of the new DVD's I bought the children for here, we played football in the garden and had a nice time. I am concerned about my S7 though as he know hates any confrontation to the point where if my daughter pinches or shouts at my son and I chastise her, my son asks me to apologise to her even if he is crying. My D10 seems very angry, and even though I ask her if she is ok, she says she is fine but I believe she is really hurting inside.

My wife came over to pick the children up, she looked very tired and very matter of fact towards me. Even though we have been together 15 years she seemed out of sorts and in a mood I have not seen in her before. I was going out so I had a shirt on and nice trousers, I even left an overnight bag by the door to give her the impression I might be staying out overnight. The only thing she commented on was the fact she thought my hair had been cut too short!!!

I gave the children a kiss and cuddle and waved them off.

I am having one of the worst mornings I can remember this morning. The mornings are always the worst for me, but this morning I started thinking about my children and they way they are behaving, they are clearly hurting and if I can see it why can't my wife see it. It is not right for them to have to go through this and the scars this will leave on them forever is troubling me. As I am writing this I am crying my eyes out as I feel I am unable to take control of my life in regards to being able to provide for them, I need to get work but anything I get would be short term and I would be back in this work/no work position again.

I am sorry to be so negative but I just cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel. I have booked a counselling session next week but I am losing the will to even open letters especially if they are bills.

How do I hope to attract my wife back if I have a flakey career which she has often commented on. I do not see what she would see in me if I cannot provide for my family properly. I have tried so hard over the years to provide, I just need a break from somebody or somewhere.

I know this is a very 'poor me' post but I am having trouble this morning keeping a handle on everything.

[innishannon]

Hi Mark,

stay strong, I know how difficult the mornings can be.
Like you, my D7 is suffering now with the aftermath of my H walking out on us and living with OW. She struggles in so many different ways.
You need to try and stay strong for them, try and be the honourable parent and carer.
Like you and your W, my H wants nothing to do with me; very cursory communication and at this stage he is only prepared to communicate via email.
At the end of the day I believe that for LBS we need to remember that it is not about us; it is about their confusion and we need to baton down the hatches to withstand the adversity that comes with this.
If you proceed with dignity and integrity you will triumph.

[markhaving probs]

Please look at my previous post as I do need some advice or feedback here.

I do need some immediate advice please. My wife had to call a plumber to attend to a problem. She has now asked me to find out what he did. So far I have penned a text response but I have not completed it as I am not sure how to. I have validated her point that she assumed the plumber would have rung/texted me to let me know what happened, but I feel she needs to stand on her own two feet. I want to make this point without it sounding like lecturing. The response goes as follows: -

"I can understand why you thought the plumber might have rung me, but I feel it is important for you to understand what the plumber has done so that if it happens again and when I am not there, you will know what happened. If you would like me to find out for you in this instance I will he happy to."

How does this sound?

[innishannon]

From where I stand that sounds fine; perfectly reasonable......doesn't sound like lecturing

[markhaving probs]

Innishannon,

Thank you very much with both responses I will send the text as is. It is tough and I agree with your sentiments.

Thank you again.

[JCJ]

Have you sent it yet?

[JCJ]

I would just say 'I'll call him and let you know what he says'

Then just ring her and explain what he says. That way she will know in the future what to do without you telling her she ought to know.