WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 8

[AnotherNightmare]

So I'm trying to keep a pace of answering about 1/2 the calls/emails/text messages - usually just for the ones that are specific questions or chit chat about the kids. Not sure if that's too cold/rude or appropriate. Any thoughts?

CIPA,

It is getting back to normal in my situation, so I have been trying to catch up with everybody's situation. Also, take everything I say now with a grain of salt, because I have no personal experience handling the separation part.

For my taste, you are too available. When I was heading for D before my Retro weekend, I would not talk to my W at all during the time I was traveling. I called once a day (usually in the evening) to talk to the kids. And that is kind of the way I would handle your situation as well. I would not take any of her calls. I would not react to her texts or anything else. I would just let her know that you are working to get your life back and that you are really getting busy (friends, gym, work etc). If there is an emergency, you can let her know some kind of signal (e.g. let it ring twice, hang up and call again), but tell her to not abuse it.

If she cannot live without talking to you several times a day, she should commit to the M again. That is the message she needs to understand and you need to send to her through your actions, not words (!!!!).

My list of rules would look like this:
- Respond to one call or less a day (unless it is an emergency as indicated above)
- Handle all the kids' stuff during this one call
- Do not let her bait you into any kind of R talk (that includes her telling you about her day - you are not her therapist)
- Do not respond to texts
- Never call or text her unless it is an emergency
- Only call her to talk to the kids (when the kids ask you to talk to her, say no - you are busy, have to go, have something else to do)

AN