PM Thread #5 - Hope new plan works

[Can it work]

Hey PM

Sorry I've not posted on your thread for a while. I have been reading it daily though and seeing that you have been getting some wonderful advice. As I'm sure you've noticed in my thread, I've been going through some inner turmoil once again and didn't want to bring my negativity over to you. I do feel as though it's lifting now though thanks to the help of your posts and others who have been kind enough to keep up with my thread.

I truly hope your counselling session goes well tomorrow. One thing I would ask about though is what you said about dressing to kill. Where I agree that you should look a million dollars when you go to your session, I think it may be a mistake if you dress as though you are going on a big night out. I'm sure that's not what you meant but thought I should say it anyway. You don't want to be too obvious in looking like you're dressing that way for his benefit. That could be seen as a type of pursuing I'd imagine.

I truly don't feel you'd be a fool to take your H back. If you were, everyone on this site would be a fool too. You've already shown that you take responsibility for your part in the breakdown of your M as most of us have. What most of us on here need though is another chance to show that we can do it differently next time. We all must be careful not to slip back in to our old ways though if presented with that chance. If there's one thing I've noticed about most of the posters on here it's that we've all learned some very hard lessons about ourselves and relationships in general. If we are to succeed in finding our M's again, we have to always remember these lessons.

I think you're spot on in your assessment of the 'Once a cheat, always a cheat' saying. I think that applies mainly to people who immediately forgive those that cheated and let them get away with it without any consequences. If someone can get away with it once, they'll try it again. I agree that there has to be an underlying problem that must be fixed before we can break that cycle.

You're most definitely not a bad person for not welcoming him back unconditionally. I do believe however that if you do get him back it has to be starting from scratch. There can be no resentment from past transgressions. That'll just lead to its own set of complicated issues and have you right back here again. When your H does come back, you'll never rid him of his guilt for what he's done but you can help him to live with it by being comlpetely non-judgemental about it.

I wish you the best of luck for tomorrow PM. My thoughts will be with you.

Kev X