A new thread, a new outlook.....

[Can it work]

Thank you PM and Mark

Sometimes it helps to have things written down in front of you. People to show you that you're not the only one who believes that there must still be some semblance of hope in our sitch's.

PM, I truly hope that you are right in your assessment of my W. I believe she is a very good person at heart and not at all shallow. She's a great mother who misses Wee Man dearly every time he is with me. Her family and friends mean everything to her and she's incredibly close to all of them. Those were the things I really fell in love with her for in the first place. The one thing you said which I will comment on though is that I think she's been getting over this M for more than 3 months. Things weren't great for about the last year. I obviously just never realised at the time how bad it actually was.

At about this time last year my W cheated on me while she was out drunk. It was only a drunken kiss and she told me afterwards but I think in my heart that it was at the root of our problems. We then went on a big family holiday to stay in a log cabin on the shores of Loch Ness. It was a wonderful break but my W was already beginning to become distant. We never ML once between February and September. She then even admitted to me that in September it was just her last ditch effort to see if she could have feelings for me in that way again. Needless to say, it wasn't the best sex we'd ever had. That was when she truly gave up on our M I think. That's why I say I think it's taken her more than 3 months. I don't know if that makes any difference to what you said PM but I think it does mean that I have more work to do than just making up for 3 months worth of bad feeling.

Mark, you're completely right when you say that it's our children who matter the most. I'll be completely honest and say I don't find it easy to look after Wee Man on my own sometimes. He's only 19 months old so still needs a lot of hard work. I was an involved father even before the separation which I'm truly thankful of because otherwise I'd really struggle. I look forward to the day I can really interact with him though.

Trying to get that extra day turned out to be a bad idea Mark. I could have pushed the point but my DB Coach advised me against it. At the end of the day it was for me and not necessarily in the best interests of Wee Man. My W just wasn't willing to relent to even one more day. I wasn't willing then to turn it in to an argument where I may indeed get that extra day but lose some ground in my efforts to bond with my W in the process. As you need to make your W understand, kids should never be used as pawns in our own struggles.

Still, I have Wee Man tonight and my mum is also coming to visit after she finishes work so I intend to have an excellent evening. I know PM has already told you Mark as she has me many times in the past, live for today. If you can make even one day a good day you've achieved a great thing. Before long, one day will turn in to two and so on. Live life for the moment.

Kev