Well SD you are so right. My wife is going out of her way now to connect. (Not intimately). The more I "detach" the more she pursues. They are small things but still big improvements from a year ago. An example is yesterday I went out and bought a new pair of shoes. Now in the past when I got home I would have shown them to her ( I guess seeking her aproval or being a wuss looking for attention) and she would have looked at them and said "they look nice" and go back to what ever she was doing. Yesterday When I got home I put the shoes in my room and went about my business as usual. At bed time I went to my room and wife came down the hall wanting to look at the shoes I bought. Now this is the woman who two years ago did not want to be bothered taking me in for an operation and now she is interested in my shoes?
I am waiting to my son to go to camp in one more week. Then I will again test the waters again. Sometimes I feel like my marriage has been like making cookies. Even though I have the timer set I keep opening the door to see if the cookies are ready. Even though the timer has not gone off I am eager for them to be ready. Yet when I do open the door I see they need to bake just a little longer. I have opened the door so many times for my marriage in the past and found my wife was not ready yet.. Maybe this time?
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know