WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 8

[confusedinpa]

Since she left, you've asked the same thing over and over. Yet you continue to do the same thing and wonder why nothing has changed.

Like Michele says...do something different. Have you written down any goals? I'm talking small baby step goals that will lead you to asking her out 4 weeks from now. Cold to no contact.

I'm talking small goals for your M and for yourself. Like losing x pounds...taking a new class...learning a new language, etc.

That's a good question about goals. I haven't done anything formally (i.e. written or with measures). I'll have to give it some more thought. Maybe that can be a goal : )

Nevertheless, since the bomb I've already lost over 25 lbs and I've really been working on myself to understand my own emotions. Never gave that much thought until recently. That's what I've spending most of my time with my therapist.

I've been going to the gym twice a week and have been working down what was my honey do list, but now I guess I just have to call it my to do list.

I've also signed up for a small group at my church to discuss boundaries. That starts in about 1.5 weeks.

I'm also trying to go out at least once every 2 weeks with my friends and I'm going to try and play in my company golf league at least once/month.

Those are things that I'm doing for me - which I guess is all that I can do to help our relationship.

I'm also working on my Dim/Dark strategy.

It was busy week at work. I had a dinner meeting last nite so we were out a resturant when my wife called for me to say good nite to the kids. I took the call and found someplace not too quiet to talk to my boys. Both boys asked where I was at. I told them that I was at a resturant. My youngest asked if there were boys and girls there. I said yes (the group I was with were all guys - I work for an engineering company), a small lie, but there there were girls at the resturant. I chatted with them for a while when suddenly my youngest pass the phone to my wife. I got off politely, but quickly.

She called back about an hour or so later. I didn't take the call at first but then she called right back. I thought there was a problem, but when I picked up, she just said "Oh, you're still out". I just said yes, is there something wrong. She said no, she just had a question about her ipod. I said I would just try and call her later and hung up.

She text me about 11:00 PM about my youngest having an accident in bed. I didn't respond. I thought about texting back at 1:00 AM when I got to bed, but was too tired.

I hadn't responded to her other email on Monday either where she said that she thought she was coming down with what my youngest had. Although at the end of the call on Monday nite, I did ask if she was feeling better.

She called me this morning at 7 AM. She told me that my youngest may be too sick for baseball today but would let me know later today. She made a comment about sending me a text last nite, but I didn't respond. I just said just let me know for sure later today and ended the call.

A short while later, I did send her a text to ask her to give my youngest a hug for me and that I hoped he felt better.

So I'm trying to keep a pace of answering about 1/2 the calls/emails/text messages - usually just for the ones that are specific questions or chit chat about the kids. Not sure if that's too cold/rude or appropriate. Any thoughts?