... plus she has nothing exciting going on in her life. I didn't pick up on the last bit until this morning, but when I did ,I told W she has to sit down and figure out what it is she wants to make her happy, and what excitement she want to put back into her life and the M. I told her that her happiness is down to her not me.
GOLD STAR!!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
Lan, You have a very thoughtful way with words to tackle W head on. But be careful, while you may have an opening now and are making good use of it, old patterns tend to easily return on both sides and all it takes is one incident/backslide to trigger an avalanche. That's why I suggested also getting W on a 'program' for change. Good your BP is down - it was probably the stress of W's behavior more than anything else.
you are so right old patterns of behavior can or may return at anytime,at least now I feel more able to tackle it head on rather than sit there and face the anger and not do much in defence.
As K says I may finally snap (and call time) before W gets bored with us. but who knows what the future may hold.
Quick question, W birthday next week I plan just to get her a card and small gift from D7 nothing from me, does this sound about right ?
Originally Posted By: Kerry K
Gift certificates are always nice when you dont know what to get.
Originally Posted By: Kalni
Really, I would wait till you talk and then decide what to do.
W birthday today.
From D7 she received a thoughtful card and a hand made �10 gift certificate to a pampering session, W is actually going for a pampering session tomorrow with her best gf so she liked that touch. I got W a thoughtful card, which had her in tears. I used to think tears like that were for me or us, but it's more likely to be about the scramble thoughts or emotions going on in her head.
Tonight the 3 of us go out to dinner to what was our favourite restaurant, The restaurant lost it's favourite status when W gave me the original ILYBNILWY speech there 3 years ago but I think I'm over that now. D7 said the dress code is to dress smart.
Monday W and I are both off work, originally this was for a D7 hospital appointment which has now been cancelled but we both agreed to still take the time off and spend it together. While we are out and about we can have lunch, visit a couple of stores and W can chose a birthday present for herself.
We just returned from dinner we had a really nice meal, both W and D7 enjoyed it.
W said it had been a while since we had been to this restuarant the last visit must have been a special occasion, I said yes it was April 2007, W asked me how I knew the date. I just told her I had a good memory. (April 2007 ILYBNILWY). A couple of times during the evening W asked me if I wanted to talk about anything specific, I just told her those things can wait until later, lets not spoil your birthday.
So a nice evening was had by all, both D& & W in bed, I'm just typing my little journal before retiring myself.
Lan, Just a suggestion. You're still holding onto that day in April - either bring it out on the table and have a big ugly talk, or let it go (no more mention of it, obliquely or otherwise). Which approach do you think will bring you closer to your goals?
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
A couple of times during the evening W asked me if I wanted to talk about anything specific, ... Lanzo
That's some breakthrough ... I remember the time you were too afraid of R talk. Now you can even talk about the changing of the guard South of the Border!
Yes I am hanging onto that date plus a few others more, you see I've tried the "lets move forwards together and all the bad things from the past will fade away", well it hasn't quite worked out that way for us. So the other option is to talk out the bad things, well I think we are heading that way.
Fb2,
I used to be afraid of all that R talk cos I was very much afraid of losing any progress I had made. Plus at that time the DB mantra is to avoid R talk. I didn't want any heavy talk at dinner the other night cos we had D7 with us and I just wanted to keep that evening lighearted. But I think the point that W and I are at now, R talk is essential, and that big white elephant in the corner of the room has to acknowledged and spoken about.
