Aahhh, be thankful for the indifference. Reading many mens threads, you don't want the anger & the spew of blame that goes around that I see with their W.
You can bet your W is taking notice.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
I agree, I know she is taking notice but just not acting on it. I bet she still doesn't know what she wants.
Glad your writing course is going well! What genre is it?
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Thanks to you both for your posts. I was concerned about the indifference. Obviously we all wish we knew what was going on inside our spouses' heads sometimes. The thing which keeps getting to me about my W is the changes in the way she reacts to me. She never seems to remain consistent. At the moment she's acting as though she couldn't care less about me or anything I do. It's a struggle for me not to try and fight for her attention. I know better than that though. A lesson hard learned.
My W is taking Wee Man away for a few days on Saturday so I'm not going to be getting my time with him next Tuesday and Wednesday. We did agree to be flexible during all this but it's the first time he's been away from home without me and I'm not looking forward to it. We had him away as a couple before and it was always fantastic fun. This sort of brings back those memories strongly and it's just getting me down slightly. I'm getting him tonight and tomorrow though so I'll just make the most of it. I'm thinking of offering to drive them to the airport on Saturday just so I can see him off. Hopefully my W will accept but with the way she is right now, it's impossible to tell.
Thank you for asking about my writing course PM. In answer to your question, the course covers most genres. If you follow the course in the recommended way, you begin with some journalistic writing and cover the non-fiction areas. Afterwards, it moves on to the creative writing with the introduction of fiction and script writing. Each section comes with assignments which when assesessed, can be submitted for selling. Fingers crossed I'll see my name in print soon enough. It's always been a dream of mine.
Well, that's me back to work today. Yesterday was a public holiday for the May-Day holiday. It was nice to be able to chill out and take it easy for the day. I went to the cinema to see Mall Cop with some friends. It was good for a few laughs.
Kev
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
You are experiencing the roller coaster ride. If you know what to expect, i.e. hot and cold, then the ride is less stressful. Just let it roll off your back. You don't need to analyze every single thing that comes out of her mouth ( I am still working on this part myself).
Coincidence, I have a (very small) book idea as well. Will be talking with a publisher this week. Haven't written it yet but I think the idea is sound and good. If I can get it off the ground, I'll let you know.
It's really fun to do something new. This is all new for me. But this is the silver lining on my dark, dark cloud. I am trying new things and enjoying my new life, things that I would not have tried if everything was going smoothly.
You never know what life has in store for you.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
Now PM, would that be a very small book or a very small idea? Lol. Only kidding. I wish you all the luck in the world with the publishers. I've not gotten to the book stage yet although that would be my ultimate goal. I don't have huge expectations but as long as I out sell JK Rowling I'll be happy! Not sure if that'll happen though!
It is indeed a roller coaster ride PM. I'm still undecided whether it's her who's providing the ups and downs or my own interpretations though. Still, I'm feeling more comfortable in myself this afternoon and I'll just see how things are tonight when I pick up Wee Man. A pleasant interaction, no matter how small, always seems to give a confidence boost. In a way though I suppose that's a bad thing since it shows that the way she acts still affects me. So, I guess I need to detach some more still. Not so much in my physical actions but more in my mental state.
I booked flights today for Wee Man and myself to go to my niece's birthday party next month. It's fancy dress for the kids so I'm going to have a lot of fun picking an outfit for him. I may even ask my W if she wants to be involved. Could be a good excuse for some interaction.
Kev
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
I was having a look at your new thread and it looks as though you are making some progress, great news.
On page one I noticed you asked about the D word. In england and in my case, my wife filed immediately for unreasonable behaviour. She filed in February '09 and it will all be dome by June/July. Fifteen years gone in a few short months. I would not make this commom knowledge but I do not know if the law in Scotland is different.
Anyway, take caer mate and good luck with the book. I am still out of work and it is starting to get me down.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
Hey Kev, I would guess the rollercoaster ride with her actions & emotions towards you is because she is sorting out her feelings inside. It seems to be quite typical on this sight. Or it could be she had a bad day or a good day. As simple as that. Try not to let it bother you.
A fancy dress kids party - that sounds fun!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
I had a really good night with Wee Man last night. He was in a top mood and we had a lot of fun. My W ended up dropping him off in the end because they'd been at her parents for dinner. There was no interaction really because she came past with a friend of hers. It was basically just drop off, bye, and leave. Still, I can't complain. At least she left the most important part with me.
To be honest Mark, I don't think my W is in any hurry to get a divorce. She's certainly never mentioned it since we separated. Aside from everything that's happened between us I still think she's a good mother and I know she can't be thinking that divorce is a good thing for Wee Man. Also, she has always been very close to her family and they would not be impressed if she filed for divorce right away. It was bad enough when she decided to leave me but I think they would be very unimpressed if she rushed in to divorce. No matter how much she fights against it sometimes, I believe she really does prefer to have them on her side. I'm fairly certain there's no OM yet but you never know.
MsM, I think the roller coaster in my sitch is more to do with my own emotions. My W doesn't seem to have any towards me at all to be honest. That's what worries me about her indifference. She doesn't get angry at me, upset, or laugh very much when we're together. We have no contact at all apart from when it's to do with Wee Man and even then it's usually very brief. It's the not knowing anything about how she's feeling that gets me down. I used to be able to read her fairly well I think but now she's completely closed to me. I know I don't want her hatred but a little bit of emotion would be nice every now and again.
PM, it's not the quantity but the quality which counts. Good luck!
Kev
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
I can see from your response to me on Newcomers why the 'indifference' reference struck a cord with you. I hope I have not worried you as I would not have posted my response to you if that was the case.
You seem to be in a much better situation than me, as your wife has not filed and I would say all the time she doesn't then you have a great chance. In my sitch as you know I believe there is OM and this is why there is such a hurry to D.
Kev, the funny thing here is if you look at my sitch my wife is angry, but is bulldozing her way to divorcing me so she should be indifferent to me as by rights she should not care less.
Your wife has not filed for divorce but is showing indifference towards you. As has been said to me on many occasions nothing seems to make sense in WAW land and I have been guilty and still am of trying to analyse everything she does or says. It's because we care so darned much it hurts and we just want to shake them out of this fog. We just have to accept these rollercoaster emotions and try to focus on ourselves and our children.
I don't know why but it always seems to make sense when you are posting to others.
Best wishes Kev.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
