AFWAW, Sounds like you are doing well with money and should she stop paying the other bills you will be okay...correct? Recommend you pay off the joint credit card and cancel. You do not want to find out the limit was maxed out. If you can anything you have joint take your name off. If you can file for legal separation any bills she has while you are living apart you will not have to share. Then try to get ahead on what bills you can and save enough to get by for 6 or so months should you decide to retire fi you do not make SMSgt this year...think twice about turning down Mt Home if you get promoted...the board memebers like to promote the "well-rounded" member that has move positions every 3-5 years and has breath of experience...although there is nothing to be embarassed at if you retire as a SMSgt the pay for CMSgt is much better. Do you have other bills such as vehicles you can pay off? If so do it. Your daughters college fund? Better it go to her instead of a divorce settlement. If you have these things take care of then you really need to think of moving on to the next step...legal issues.
Confirm custody of your daughter...your wife is not acting in a manner that she should influence your daughter right now...I wonder what your wife would tell your daughter in 10 years if her husband was having an affair on her? Once you get primary custody you can start working on your relationship.
Do not give her anything to hold against you...you have to accept the fact she doesn't deserve you right now to give yourself an opportunity to heal your emotions. The time you spent in Iraq changed you even if you do not realize it...your view on your life is different when you come back and the "Leave it to Beaver" and romance that you might have expected is not reality. For you or your wife. Being mil/mil myself I can tell you the one left behind has it very hard and the feeling of useless can be overwhelming. That was one of the reasons for the Hearts Apart program and the mandatory brief on your return. An unusual high percentage of military couples were having problems after deployments...I tell you this not to discourage you but to encourage to use your tools. You have said nothing about the Chaplin or the Airman & Family Readiness Center...check them out.
If you have any questions please ask...always remember that you and only you can decide when this is over...you must not forget, as you W alreadys has, that your decisions can impact your daughters life. My PSA for today...enjoy life with your daughter and giver her some slack, not too much, for she is hurting too and doesn't have the life experience you have to deal with it, stay away from the booze, try to get 100 on your PT test, start preparing yourself for retirement even if you make SMSgt, consider church ( I hesitate to mention this but think about it this Sunday, ask your daughter, she may want to go but is embarassed to ask), and go do something you wanted to do but did not because you W did not want to. Take care
