I'm feeling so discouraged

[PortlandDad]

Hey DL! I was beginning to think that your H had come back to his senses and you weren't posting here anymore because you guys were on your surprise 2nd honeymoon or something

Look, it is very clear that your H is confused. It might be a slight parting of the fog that he is seeing things a little more clearly. He sees what he is losing. He is realizing that life with his british muse is not the be-all that he was thinking it was going to be. He may fog back up in a day or two, but for that moment, he was thinking rationally. That is a good thing!

He was also acting in a jealous, protective mode. That is also a good thing. He was/is still thinking of you as "his" woman. The thought that someone else could come in and take you away, or have their way with you had him on the defensive. His comment about 'If it were anyone else...' is an interesting one. Perhaps he knows your mutual friend better than you do? Perhaps he had made a comment about you to him in the past that may have put some jealous thoughts into your Hs head? Or maybe it was just an off-the-cuff remark. Who knows? The important thing is that he was acting to protect you.

Be prepared for your H to want to know all the details about what you did when you were there. Based on how you claim he is acting, he may just come right out and ask, or he may pry more tactfully.

As far as the comment about moving. That one sounds like he trying to punish himself. Saying that 'it is the best thing for you and the kids'; I can almost hear him say that in such a victim's tone of voice. He doesn't feel like he deserves being with you and the kids. Why else send them away? Maybe he is feeling jealous of you and the life you are building without him, or maybe he doesn't think he is a capable or worthy father. In any event, he probably doesn't *want* to lose you or the kids, but he is still very confused and foggy.

I wish there was something other than just time and space that you could give him to come to his senses. when you do talk to him, how does he sound? You mentioned that he started a R convo this time around. Is that becoming more common? Is he spending more or less time with the kids?

Something that you might try, if you think it would help, is to show him that he still has a place in your family, without resorting to asking him to come back. If you have an outing with the kids planned (bowling, trip to the park, etc.) invite him along. Phrase it like "They kids and I are going to _____ and they would love it if you would like to come with us". If he says no, then say "No problem, maybe next time." and be done with it. If he says yes, then have a nice time together with him and the kids. The more he sees that he is accepted with you and them, the less foggy and self-deprecating he will be. It would be a 180 for you, wouldn't it?

Hang in there DL! Good things are happening in your sitch right now, believe it. His emotions are still going to roller-coaster, but for the moment, there are some very positive things going on there!