Does that mean they come running back to the former spouse? I say definately NO! For them to do that, it would mean admiting they were wrong in leaving to begin with, these people are absolutely not going to do that! Trust me on that one! I know there are a few that do, but a very few!
There are some WAS that do return and admit they were wrong. My H has been one of those that has admitted he was wrong, said it should never have happened and does want to return to the M, although we haven't reconciled yet because we're still working through issues. Yes there are few that do want to return but none of us can be certain who those few may be. There are definitely examples of couples that have D and then reconciled. How can any of us who only know the sitch over the internet tell another for certain that their spouse will NEVER return?
Sunshine, like I said before you must now move on with your life but miracles can and do happen.
Addie, you are right when you say that a FEW do return, but trust me, I have been on here long enough to tell you that 99% of them do not. I know there are people here who will jump on that and say "you never know" "I'm going to stand" etc, etc. and that's fine! Everyone has to do what they think is best, I'm not putting them down for it, but in saying that, you cannot ignore the obvious. I read where you and your H are working through things? Good for you, I hope that it works out for you. Bare this in mind, he still hasn't come back, keep your guard up. I'm not trying to be negative with you, just talking from experience. I have seen many people in your position in the past, just be careful. I truly hope it goes your way.
It is no wonder I stay confused. Braveheart are you trying to say that people on here that are standing for their marriage are having FALSE HOPES? I know you all have seen alot, but everybody that goes through a divorce is NOT on this board, right? So there is no way, in my opinion, that you can give out statistics. Honestly from what I have read, and I have been doing ALOT of reading, I think most regret what they have done. That doesnt mean they will come home. Like you said, they wont admit to doing wrong. But I will tell you this, I know my xh better than anyone, well the old him anyway. If he wanted to come home, he would call me up and say hey we need to talk and in his words. "If I want to come home I will come home". When he said this I responded with, "well dont you think you might ask me first". and he said, "Yea, I would talk to you about it". If he wants to do something, he does it, doesnt care what no one thinks of him. Just look what he HAS DONE already. He just dont care. BUT right now, he is following ow around like a little puppy dog, from what I hear. She makes it clear to everyone, which is childish in my opinion, that my xh is HERS now. LOL. She even writes his name in all caps "MY XXX". lol Yes I look sometimes, just for fun. I am ok, it doesnt make me cry.
I thank GOD everynight/day for my heart healing. Yes its healing slowly, but its healing. I also pray for everyone here. I want GOD's will to be done. That's all I want.
Hey braveheart and others, what is your take on this?....
A couple that are friends of mine and my xh are going through a divorce also. The woman is my xh's boss and her h is my xh's best friend and retired captain when they were on the force together. When my xh left me, this couple tried to talk to him about the decisions he was making. My xh's best friend even told my xh that he couldnt believe that he was leaving his family and wife of 20 years for another woman. He said my xh was living a lie and blah, blah, blah. Well, about a month or two ago, this same man left his family for a younger woman. The woman even worked for his WIFE! This man told his wife the other day that he had not loved her in a long time. They had been married for around 25 years. He also told her that the man she knew was gone and would never be back, and that he was getting married the day after their divorce is final. Now you tell me this isnt contagious! What does he mean by the old him will never return? Do they really know what is happening?
Renee, When I refer to the "script", it's what they all say when they walk away from a marriage and/or relationship. It doesn't matter whether it's mlc or waw. I recommended a book to you either on this thread or the other one called "The Script". I would suggest you contact your local library to see if they have the book on hand. The book was shown on Oprah's show a year or so ago and believe me, it fits a large majority of the behaviors that all people who leave a relationship exhibit.
Renee, I think you have an understanding of mlc, but I do not think you fully understand what the crisis is about and how long it takes, etc. I think you need to read more on depression to better understand what the mlc is about.
How long will the ow see the new and improved h? That all depends on him. You do realize that some people can live a lie for a very long time? Some people can change over night and keep the lie going until the day they die. Again, it's all up to your xh as to how long the new and improved him stays in the running.
If you look at various subjects in Michelle's listing of forums, you will see one for walkaways. You may want to go over there and surf for a bit. Also, do a google and see what you find. Check out other boards on the net. I've been a member of at least 4 different boards for a long time. You do not need to stay on just one board...knowledge is power.
Also, you need to take 30 minutes out of your day today and start checking into some professional help. Thirty minutes will not ruin your day and you might be surprised at what you discover when you start making a few phone calls. It's time to start thinking about find help for yourself so that you can see the light of day and come to realize that you are going to be okay whether he comes back or not. This is your time, not his, so pick up that phone and make some calls.
What boards Snodderly, if you dont mind me asking?
I just wanted to add here that from the people that have posted to me since I started 2 are happily reconciled and 2 are piecing, they just no longer post here. Personally, I think there are a lot more successful people here than we realise, they just stop posting. JMO.
Personally I think if you do the work that you need to do in stopping repeating the negative patterns then you stand a chance, not a high one, but the chance is there. Time also helps.
SL, I think you truly need to look after yourself. View your h as out of the picture at the moment and start making your life happy. You don't need to understand the reasons for why he left to do that. It might be that you never know why he left; it might be that that even he doesn't know. Whatever the reason though at the moment he is not there. You need to work on your healing and go through your grief and shock.
IMO the quickness of his decisions may be the new r's downfall, they both sound like they have issues. In a way it is good that they are living them together and you are not caught up in their mess just at the moment. If you want to stand for your marriage then that is your decision, you just need to make sure that you are able to cope with that as it is a difficult road and that you life does not stop whilst you are doing that.
There is a forum right here on this board that talks about walkaways. As you enter the forum, scroll down like you did when you hunted for mlc. It's further down on the screen.
Do a bit of creative thinking...type in mid-life crisis and any other topic that comes to mind and see what you get on google. The net has a lot of information out there...you just have to type in a word or two for the search engine to find it for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly I have been on the walkaway forum several times and truthfully it doesnt seem like walkaways to me, sounds more like MLC. Also, they dont get alot of traffic over there either and not many threads to research. That is one reason I am still in this forum, its the only one that really gets any attention. As for Google, I have done that also, and found some sites, but I thought you might be able to lead me to some good sites.
I just wanted to add here that from the people that have posted to me since I started 2 are happily reconciled and 2 are piecing, they just no longer post here. Personally, I think there are a lot more successful people here than we realise, they just stop posting.
I would say you are right about this. There is possibly no way to know the percentage, for one EVERYBODY is different.
