Mindblank #4 - Can I borrow some meds?

[mindfull]

S12 had a track meet tonight. H made it back for that. We had some of the boys/girls over afterward's (last one of the season). Kids played, mom's had wine, H goofed off with both kids and mom's.

After he left to go back out of town, I txt'd him and asked him if he would consider marriage counseling now. I told him I have tried everything in my power to make this marriage work (without help), and feel like he really likes me, even loves me, but we're growing further apart intimately, and it's affecting us seriously. We were once very close, and I've made the necessary changes that bothered him (and me, now!). If there is truly no one else, then will you please try?

He didn't reply for 16 minutes so I called him. He called me back. Phone was in the car, as he had run in gas station. He "says" he didn't read txt's. So, I told him the gist of the txt's were a request for him to consider marriage counseling. He basically told me that they cannot change feelings, and that I had gone to a counselor, and where did it get me? I told him that marriage counseling didn't appear to be real helpful when only one in the marriage was willing to work on it. And, I didn't really like the guy. He never said he would go. He never said he wouldn't go. He just said, "Your girlfriends come over, you have some wine, and you get all... W.... again..." I told him it had nothing to do with them, or one glass of wine. It had everything to do with being broken and hurt. He then told me he didn't really want to have this conversation when he had only had a few hours sleep.

He then acted like the conversation never took place. Asked what the kids were doing, what tomorrow's plans were. I was sobbing (H couldn't hear me.) and didn't reply much. He said, "why don't you get some sleep?" I said. Ok, goodbye.

I just can't take the heartache anymore. Everyone says I sound like things are going good, better, etc... It's not if what makes this man my H is not there anymore. I'm sorry.

He is truly in this house for the kids. Nothing has changed. Nothing has improved. He really doesn't care how hurt I am. I can tell. He just doesn't want to not see his kids, and doesn't want to break up the family. He doesn't mind leaving me with an emotional hole in my heart though. I'm truly wrecked.