Ok, I really need some advice from some of the experts here on being tough. I am getting very concerned that I have been too easy about this whole situation. While my W's affair was going strong, I had success going dark and GALing, but even then, my boundaries were weak at best. My W definitely respected that I moved on, was living my life, and just let her go. I was great with the kids, and I was always totally solid as a co-parent, even though I was livid at my W. I was too weak when my W would reach out to me though. I kept seeing it as an opportunity to re-connect with her, and it would always just be a fleeting moment, then she was back to full WAW mode. I swear I could literally see her change before my eyes as she realized "Ok, I've still got him, so I don't need to really worry about what I'm doing." I slowly realized this was a problem, and I did hold tough a few times, but before I had to do anything drastic, my W's affair died on its own.

Now that my W's affair is apparently over, our relationship has calmed so much that I worry it's gotten too "easy", for lack of a better word. My W and I are spending much time together with the kids, she regularly invites me to do things with her and the kids, I've had dinner at her house with friends, she even asked me out to a movie (although she then weaseled out of it). We joke and tease each other, and there is some very casual non-sexual physical contact (fun hitting and poking, hand on the shoulder, hugs, etc). We hang out with our friends, and it's almost like we're still together.

However, my W is still pushing for the legal separation, and shows no real interest in reconciliation. She wants to split up our possessions, come to some agreement on financial separation, a schedule for the kids over holidays, etc. She seems happy as can be at her new house, and is enjoying getting it set up for the long haul. We've been separated for 4 months now.

I've been going along with the separation proceedings, even though in my state I have no obligation to do so. She has no grounds to divorce me, so if I don't want to agree to separation, there's not a whole lot she can do about it. I'm starting to wonder if I should take a stand and refuse to participate anymore, with the reason that we clearly still enjoy being together and we're still functioning as a family in most ways. On the one hand, will she respect that I'm holding tough for what I want, or will it destroy all the good will between us because here I go again trying to stop her from doing what makes her happy? I'm trying to find the balance between still being loving toward her, yet not letting her manipulate me into a separation I don't really want.

Thanks in advance for advice anyone is willing to offer.