So I guess for me the guilt is not that what I did was wrong, specifically. It is that what i did enabled him and allowed him to keep doing things the way he did. I did not force things into the light so they continued to grow in the dark. He chose to do the things he did but I chose to let him stay in my life. Hope you know what I am trying to say...
Heavens, do I know what you are saying BBJ. I've battled the same thing for approx. 19 years with Gabe. He is a pathological liar and a porn addict. I enabled him by not calling him to task on what was and was not acceptable to me. Now I harbor a lot of guilt about that. Do what you need to do. Get it out there and then let it go. You know it's ultimately up to Dan what to do with the help you are offering, the freedom in truth that there could be for him. You have no control over it.
Do NOT be ashamed of allowing the man you love to do things to your body. As long as it did not make you feel shamed or violated afterward, then it is perfectly acceptable. There is no 'wrong' in any form of sex between committed partners. Trust me, I've struggled mightily with this too. Gabe has some pretty bizarre tastes that I did my best to satisfy and had to get past my upbringing to do so. Why did our mothers seem so hell-bent on warping us? My mother was of the flat-out "no sex before marriage or you're a slut" variety. I did not subscribe to the same theory but it still made it impossible for me to talk to her about what had occurred with me because I felt she would blame me. My mother still has no idea to this day and never will. Your attitudes toward sex will directly affect your children and their relationships so make sure that whatever you impart to them is how you want them to feel for the rest of their lives about it.
LOVE YOU BBJ!!!!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
My mother was of the flat-out "no sex before marriage or you're a slut" variety. I did not subscribe to the same theory but it still made it impossible for me to talk to her about what had occurred with me because I felt she would blame me. My mother still has no idea to this day and never will. Your attitudes toward sex will directly affect your children and their relationships so make sure that whatever you impart to them is how you want them to feel for the rest of their lives about it.
