I think you are giving your W too much credit for her logical analysis.
Remember, WAS are usually in a bit of a fog.
She is not thinking 'I am going to control Mark, making sure where he is all the time and test to see if he can anticipate my needs.'
No.
She is thinking,' I feel good being away from Mark. I wish he would make my life easier. I want him to take the kids when I need time to myself.'
Mark, you don't need to over-analyse everything. I don't think she is trying to control you. She is asking for your schedule so she can have you take the kids so she can have time to herself. Not to 'control' you. That is why as Puppy says, make a boundary. How? Put down on paper your OWN schedule. Things that you definitely want to do. E.g. exercise, job hunting time, kids time whatever. Then when there is time leftover, then you can entertain her requests. That's respecting yourself and your life. Standing up for yourself does NOT mean picking a fight with her when she asks you for something and you FEEL you HAVE TO comply because if you don't she will LEAVE YOU.
I know you are still in a bit of a shock so you are extremely sensitive to every move your W makes. Understandable. That is why we are here to help you CALM THINGS DOWN.
I think you are mentally a bit down so you are assuming the worst. Again, understandable. But why don't you make yourself feel a little bit better and give yourself several assumptions rather than just assuming the worst?
She is asking for your schedule not because she wants to control you but WAS think that their OLD LIFE and their FAMILY will always remain the same. That they get to choose a new and exciting life and everything else will stagnate.
What you are doing is to show her that no, her assumption is incorrect. That you can also lead a full and exciting and happy life while she is away from you. That, indeed, you are a flexible person (e.g swimming on Friday instead of Tuesday) and that you have a life of your own.
She is uncomfortable with the change of routine in her OLD LIFE. She is dependent on it because it provides her with stability. You changing your own routine is messing up her sense of stability. Which may be a GOOD THING! That is why she may be acting out. She is thinking, but Mark ALWAYS swims on Tuesdays. Her belief that you cannot change, you won't ever change is now challenged.
Change is scary for most people. Your wife thinks she is the only one who is capable of a change in life. You are standing up and showing her you can change and change for the better. You are now more flexible, anticipatory and a much better father than before.
She will feel angry because she will think, 'Why didn't he change for the better when we were still together? Why is he changing now when it's too late?' But this question doesn't really matter. We can only move forward, we cannot turn back time.
So Mark, EXPECT a roller coaster ride. EXPECT her to feel uneasy with your new changes. EXPECT this to take time. OK?
Mark,
That is REAL WISDOM, right there, from PM. Please read & heed.
