Hey Cyrena..thanks once again for your understanding, your post nearly made me cry! I can see you really get what I badly explained.. the change in tone, the dead, irritable, hostile voice in part and how upsetting that was for me. The shocking thing is, I havent heard that since Aug 08 (when he dated Helen).
Yes, I did assume, that although I expect him to need a gap, to be on his own.. seeing as he is going around telling all his friends I am his soulamte and he loves me, I kinda assumed he would then come back to me, no question. Clearly, I was wrongly expecting a neat trajectory. But he is consumed with guilt.
Also, although I know that he left the R because of issues with me and me being a PITA and I mentioned he didnt have an A... I'm not stupid, even though he denies it (and it going around back home talking about me being different, so they all think thats why he left..)I KNOW he fancied her before the bomb and he left me BECAUSE he saw that there were other possibilities out there. She was flirting with him, he almost admitted as much (giggling at all his jokes) and I know he phoned her some nights, as I snooped on his mobile. So.. I think she is more important to him than his friends lead me to believe, because they dont know what I know and he WONT admit to them that she is a factor as he doesnt want to look the bad guy.
God I am exhausted.. how many weeks/months of this can I take? And the Piscean phoned me tonight and put alot on me abuot the death of his Dad (15 years ago, when we broke up) and his estranged Mum and how he wants to right me letters and I am the ONLY woman .. all the others were.. and on and on and I am not very assertive and also, was feeling somewhat responsible for his feelings, but why was I ??I shouldnt. I ended up reminding him.. YOU threw ME out.. he said, I dont know why I did that, I wasnt in my right mind...
