Setting Boundaries for MLC Alien H

[kjensen]

Hi IL,
I'm not surprised about H cancelling MC..thought that might happen. Someone in MLC isn't thinking about saving their marriage-they are thinking about living the life they think they've missed out on. They want their fix.

Remember if H is in a MLC he will not be acting like a normal, sane man who wants his marriage to improve. Don't expect the normal.

I have to say I still have alot of jealous moments about my H's OW, I still snoop just slightly-more to see what H has been looking at online-where his head is at. I've googled OW, still don't know what she looks like. The only salves to that wound are 1) one text my H made after he 'reunited' with OW that said he didn't see making a life with her, and 2)the fact that his workout buddy had told me H said he'd had some fights with OW and she was scary.- My H is a man who avoids conflict like the plague so...

I also have experimented and any mention of the A or OW pushes H completely away from me and makes him see me as the problem/enemy. So since that is NOT what I want, I have successfully created a new habit of avoiding those subjects most of the time. I have mentioned OW only when H has told me he's gone cycling, asking if he did with OW-he seems to tell me the truth(lately) and I don't make much of the answer one way or the other.

I wonder about the A/OW much of the time, usually weekends when H doesn't contact me or the girls-those are the hardest. Its easy to focus on the OW. BUT, its not helpful to your sanity and health, so try to focus elsewhere and definitely avoid confrontation about the A/OW with H. Journal or vent here. Avoid talking to family and friends-read my thread regarding that..I've made many mistakes along the way(and its only been 4 months!). Keep reading. Info is power.