I don't intend to bring divorce, filing, etc into this conversation. This is about sharing with Dan that I see him drowning, and that I am offering my help/support.
I will probably print out what I wrote but say it to him in person, and then give him the written version to do with as he sees fit. You are right he may defend himself at first, then reflect later. Who knows? I am not a mind reader nor can I see the future.
Come what may I will share it with him tonight.
I came home for lunch and was shocked to see H pull up while I was here! He works in Omaha, 30 min away, never comes home for lunch and certainly not to 'my' house. He came flying in, said they delivered steaks for him at work today and he had to put them in the fridge. He said it was steak he ordered for 'both of us'...any way he was flustered, said he had to get back for a chiropractic appt (has been having migraines). So I didn't say a word about my thoughts bc there was no time. He said he would meet me at karate later and we would all go to dinner.
Sandycay, you are right, it is a burden. And if it is a burden at all to me, how big of one must it be for him. That is what the pastor said too. He said, I have seen it in him each week at church, that he is lost and in a struggle. And then pastor said the things I explained, about Dan going in for anxiety attacks, thinking he had a heart attack, high blood pressure last fall. Him saying he is falling apart, he has given up hope of being happy, he wants to die, etc etc etc. Pastor said what is weighing on him is not me, nor is it our marriage. It is the weight of his sins and his lies and he will never be free as long as he is trying to carry them, they are crushing him.
I don't expect him to be receptive, but I just know that if he would let this burden down, admit it, open up about it, he would feel so much freer than he does....
