You are all so awesome! Thank you for the support!
Donna, I am an only child so no siblings to help out. I'm planning on talking in depth with the caseworker tomorrow to explore other options. I'm so freaked about this. I've always stood on my own two feet with no problems. This is so humiliating.
Jeff, I don't benefit from her SS because she has to use it to pay for her medications (which are plentiful) and her own expenses. She gives me $400 a month but she has always given that even when Gabe was contributing fully in our M. Now, it's not enough to really improve the circumstances. She's doing all she can though.
There was one more thing about the convo with Gabe yesterday that I feel really good about. At one point he said, "I'm sorry I ruined your life." It infuriated me that he would say that. If I agreed that he had ruined my life then that would be giving him power over me. I got my back up and told him, "You don't get to say that. You don't get to feel that. If I agree then you have power over me. I control my life and only I can ruin my life. It is within my power to make my life what it is going to be, not yours." He had a stunned, deer in the headlights look. I really think he was trying to bait me into railing at him and giving him the "you reap what you sow" speech along with the "karma bit you in the a$$" bit. Nope, he wasn't going to get the satisfaction of bringing out my inner behatch. He isn't worth it.
It was empowering to realize that he is such a broken mess and that I have grown so much through this horrible circumstance. The difference is that I chose the path toward enlightenment, courage, strength, and God. He chose to wallow in his own filth.
Although life is overwhelming me, I won't allow it to beat me down. Forgive me please when I come here and moan, I know you all are probably really sick of it. I do try not to do it too often. All in all, I make a supreme effort to be pleasant and bubbly.
LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I agree with everyone else. Maybe this will help Gabe get his act together. In the meantime, you take care of your life. I know you care about him but you are not his mother and he needs to grow up. You cant control and shouldnt what he does with his life. Marc is his child and I want to believe he will try to stay in contact as much as possible if he in fact moves away. Maybe Marc can visit him for a couple of weeks while we sail off on the MLC ship to Mauritious or somewhere
Asking for help is nothing to be embarassed about. You are such a giving person you will be doing the same for people once you get on your feet again... (not that you havent been already) Love ya K
Great job handling the convo. with Gabe. You are right, don't give him the power to ruin your life. You will survive and ultimately thrive while he continues to wallow...
You are all so awesome! Thank you for the support!
Donna, I am an only child so no siblings to help out. I'm planning on talking in depth with the caseworker tomorrow to explore other options. I'm so freaked about this. I've always stood on my own two feet with no problems. This is so humiliating.
Jeff, I don't benefit from her SS because she has to use it to pay for her medications (which are plentiful) and her own expenses. She gives me $400 a month but she has always given that even when Gabe was contributing fully in our M. Now, it's not enough to really improve the circumstances. She's doing all she can though. There was one more thing about the convo with Gabe yesterday that I feel really good about. At one point he said, "I'm sorry I ruined your life." It infuriated me that he would say that. If I agreed that he had ruined my life then that would be giving him power over me. I got my back up and told him, "You don't get to say that. You don't get to feel that. If I agree then you have power over me. I control my life and only I can ruin my life. It is within my power to make my life what it is going to be, not yours." He had a stunned, deer in the headlights look. I really think he was trying to bait me into railing at him and giving him the "you reap what you sow" speech along with the "karma bit you in the a$$" bit. Nope, he wasn't going to get the satisfaction of bringing out my inner behatch. He isn't worth it.
It was empowering to realize that he is such a broken mess and that I have grown so much through this horrible circumstance. The difference is that I chose the path toward enlightenment, courage, strength, and God. He chose to wallow in his own filth.
Although life is overwhelming me, I won't allow it to beat me down. Forgive me please when I come here and moan, I know you all are probably really sick of it. I do try not to do it too often. All in all, I make a supreme effort to be pleasant and bubbly.
LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
OMG Mish! I said something VERY similar to DH last Thursday!! Doesn't it feel awesome!! I felt just like this--
Wish me luck all. I'm headed to the Department of Family and Children's Services (DFACS) to an interview for government support. I'm scared out of my mind to do this. It feels so wrong! I was raised to stand on my own, not to ever ask for help in matters that I should be able to take care of. Feeding, clothing, and caring for my family is something I should be able to take care of. There are just more expenses than I can handle especially since the 20% paycut. It's made it impossible. I hope this guy I'm meeting with is kind because if he's a typical government worker with attitude to match I'm going to be in tears very quickly!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
You are taking control of your life and situation. It may not be pretty but you ARE doing what you need to do. It takes a lot to know that and do something about it. My hats off to you dear one.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
You are lovely and pleasant and fun AND quotable! LOL.
Hope your meeting this AM went okay. DO NOT worry about asking for help. You give so much to others, and now you are being provided for as well. You DO work hard to get there on your own, so you have EARNED it! There is absolutely nothing to be embarassed about!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
You paid into the system, hon, (notice all that $$ they take out of your paycheck every week?) to make sure that you had something IF you ever needed it. DO NOT feel guilty...
Well, so much for that. I make too much to qualify for a household of 2. If they count my mom in my household then they have to count her social security even though I don't benefit from it. With her social security counted I make too much for a household of 3 then. Can't win!
How is it that some people drive up to the welfare office in Escalades with gold litterally dripping off of them and walk out check in had and enough food stamp money to feed an army and here I am struggling to buy beans and rice? NOT FAIR!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
