Quotes found on Divorcebusting (II)

[Travis]

To anyone with an opinion,
I'm sure I'm just an average joe going through what many are going through on this site, but I feel as if it's only me. On March 11, I got a phone bill in the mail that was higher than normal. I get to investigating and under my wife's number there were significant text charges to one number. She doesn't have a text plan on her phone. So I start investigating. I look at the calls, and there are numerous calls to this number. Hour upon hour. I call the number, praying like hell it's a woman. Lo and behold a guy answers. I thought I was going to puke. I ask my parents to watch my kids that night so that me and my wife can talk. I ask my wife about the number when she gets home. She says it's her friend, which is a woman. I explain to her I called the number and a male answered. She say, "Oh yeah, that's just my friend ##### and we just talk about our kids all the time." I explain to her that no one talks about their kids for 1-3 hours every night. She decides to blow up and tell me about all the things i've done wrong for the last 11 years and says she no longer loves me. But denies she's seeing someone, he's just a friend. To make a long story short, since then she has told me she wants a divorce and no longer loves me. She went so far as to tell me she needed to be able to talk to someone the night after we told our children we were divorcing. I told her to go to her dad's if that's where she needed to go. She called me that night and informed me she and my two boys wouldn't be coming home again. This was the night before Easter. She filed a restraining order against me (which was dropped before ever going to trial). My attorney explained that this is a common strategy. There was no basis. I've never, in 11 years, harmed or threatened to harm my wife. Meanwhile, for two weeks I wasn't allowed to talk to my boys or wife. I begged and pleaded with her to at least try every option (counseling or whatever) before we considered divorce. If there was someone else, we should at least try all solutions before considering divorce. I even told her I would try to forgive if there was someone else. She told me to get it through my head, she didn't want to work it out. Well, she's moved out and is nowing taking my boys to her boyfriend's house nearly every night. The strange thing is, I haven't been the best husband/father over the years. Not bad, but not the best. No cheating, no abuse, I just always worked long hours and was gone a lot. Late last summer I sat her down and asked her if I was gonna lose my family if things didn't change. She said she didn't think she could do it much longer if things didn't change. My boys were growing up and I was missing it. I asked her to give me a few months and I would make changes to save our family. In January I accepted a new job that would allow me to be home and offer us a far better life financially. Then she leaves me in March of this year. She stayed with me through all of the hard times and then left when I believed things were just getting better. The sad part is all of our close friends are as bewildered as I am. They, and I, thought we had the best marriage out of everyone we knew. To make a little more sense, my wife was a stay at home mom for three years. She went back to work in late November. Then in March this all happens. The guy she is with works with her. I guess a lot of this probably has to do with the fact she has a new group of friends at this new job. I don't know. I really believe my marriage is done, but I can't stand the fact of losing my boys. She's already told the school she's moving my sons to a different school next year. The school she's going to is in the town where her boyfriend lives. I know this is a little long, but this is a short version of what's happened in the last 2 months. My wife was the most loving, giving person I've ever known in my life. Now, I don't even know the woman. I don't think we can get past the things she's done over the last couple months, but I'm scared to death what effect this will have on my 4 and 7 year old sons. Any advice would be appreciated.

[Ready2Change]

First , sorry you are in the same boat as the rest of us. The good thing is you found this site. It is a great place for support.

"What is best for my kids is best for me" When I have a decision to make this statement helps.

Having two happy loving parents is best for my kids. I can only control my thoughts, words and actions. Spouse is free to do what she wants. I am a role model for my kids.

Forgiving my former wife was GOOD for ME. I still do it.

These are my favorite words:
Forgiveness,Compassion,Listening,Patience,Understanding,Giving,Empathy

Best thing to do is work on what YOU can control. Your Thoughts,Words and Actions. Work on you during this phase of your relationship.

My understanding is one spouse is more a giver and one is more a taker. How long was your W giving? Time to flip. Take a look at the books I have listed at the first post of my thread. They helped me a lot.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Travis,

I'm really sorry you're going thru this. My guess is that your wife began her affair before you sat her down and asked her what you could do last year, but I'm guessing.

Who all knows about her infidelity at this point?

Right now, you have to do what you can to protect yourself legally and financially. Does she have access to your funds? Have you seen an atty yet?

I know this hurts like hell, but it's not a new story. Her behavior is, in fact, very predictable, and you can use that to your advantage.

Puppy

[Travis]

I'm so sorry it took me so long to reply back. I started a new business before our separation, thinking I would have support of my wife, and now she's gone, so this business on top of the divorce is a little overwhelming. Thanks for your reply. Since I last posted a lot has happened. My kids have told me they've been spending the night at my wife's boyfriend's house and she even had the nerve to bring her boyfriend's mom with her when she came to pick my kids up on mother's day. I hope this all helps me in the long run because I know it's screwing with my kid's heads. I've documented it all and given to my attorney. I never thought it would come to the point to where my wife would sacrifice what's right for my kids for her own happiness. My marriage is irreparable now, but all I am doing is focusing on my kids and what's best for them. I can share a lot in the blame for making her unhappy enough to leave for someone else, but I can't and won't stand for what is going on with my boys.
She has no access to my funds and I have an attorney. He still says, even with her taking my kids to the boyfriends less than two weeks of moving out, that I have less than a 50 pct chance of getting custody, but at least he didn't say 0 pct chance.
The hardest thing right now is that this whole ordeal is affecting my every day life so much. My work is suffering, I've lost, like, 20 pounds. I just want it to be over and take care of my boys and move on with life. Sometimes it feels like she is just taking a knife and twisting it harder. And the harder I try to forget it all, the more I think about it. I guess I'm saying it just sucks! lol