alien invasion II

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

{{{{{HM}}}}}

So sad that things ended the way they did, but I honestly feel that your H was not healthy enough to be in a real relationship. I am so glad that the Peace of the Lord has filled you and you have forgiven your X. It is the greatest gift we can ever give ourselves.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[hoosiermama]

Hi hm... I am glad you posted, I have been wondering about you. You sound good. I think I am very close behind you...

thank you. You know, even tho the resolution of the situation isn't what we'd have wanted, having it settled is better than limbo. Perhaps because there's closure, I don't know. But more peace and predictability for sure.

[hoosiermama]

Hi HM! You sound so calm, and at peace. I am glad you have found that, and the grace to forgive your XH. He may not have reaped what he has sown in his hypocrisy and abandonment, YET, but time will tell. You did your best, and you can hold your head up high.

Go HM and D13!!!!! Woohoo!!!!

I don't know if I did my best; that will require some reflection and hindsight. It just didn't seem that there was much of anything I could do. Now I need to find out who I am after 19 years of loving a narcissist and trying to be worthy of his love (and ultimately, I wasn't!--and that's just fine). No more asking "but what about me" in that still, small voice in the back of my mind. I can rediscover my own needs and work on meeting them, and on being a good mom, and no longer feel inadequate about practically everything.

[hoosiermama]

Hoosier at the very least write the letter to get it out of your head and feel good about writting it. Once it is out...then decide whether to send it or burn it.

You do sound amazingly good. : ) So good for you. A success story.

Thanks, J3B. I'm not sure you've ever posted to me before! I appreciate it.

I think it will be awhile before I feel like a success; the "twice divorced" thing is something I have to work with (especially as a Catholic, and after promising myself as a teen that I would have a stable marriage no matter what!!) However, I do trust that I'll get there; there's been so much healing since the first of the year.

[hoosiermama]

Hoosier at the very least write the letter to get it out of your head and feel good about writting it. Once it is out...then decide whether to send it or burn it.

You do sound amazingly good. : ) So good for you. A success story.

Oops--and ps, yes, I agree--I at least need to write the letter, then decide what to do with it.

[hoosiermama]

{{{{{HM}}}}}

So sad that things ended the way they did, but I honestly feel that your H was not healthy enough to be in a real relationship. I am so glad that the Peace of the Lord has filled you and you have forgiven your X. It is the greatest gift we can ever give ourselves.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

Thanks, SMW. I'm afraid you're right. I'm not sure H will ever really be whole enough to be in a balanced relationship. I realize that I have such a rut in my brain from believing it didn't work out because of my scars, issues, and dysfunctional childhood; after all, H's brothers and parents all have long-term, stable, and obviously loving marriages. And after all, H is a popular, gregarious guy--he must be easy to love, right? And I spent the past 6 1/2 years struggling in a very dysfunctional ministry sitch--surely that proves I'm the common link in both failures, right? I'm the one who's defective, right?

Kinda just realizing my line of thinking there--"stinking thinking," I believe it's called. Yeah, it would be highly beneficial for me to discern how I contributed to both situations, but I don't think I need to blame myself for them.

The peace I feel from forgiving is a gift from God, and truly not a result of anything I have done myself. But sometimes, I think, if one is just open to it, it will happen by the grace of God. Lots of prayer, by myself and others--and I am so grateful for that!

Hang in there, SMW--seems clear that things are moving in your sitch.

[Andabelle]

You are too down on yourself-- you were absolutely worthy of your X's love!

[hoosiermama]

You are too down on yourself-- you were absolutely worthy of your X's love!

Sorry, I wasn't clear--I recognize now that my thought processes for years were that I must have been defective because he wasn't very loving or very happy with me. Which led to resentment on my part, and there ya go for that cycle. While I wasn't perfect, I know now that I was worthy of his love. In fact, If I had just had a tiny smidge, I would have continued to do anything for him. But it just wasn't there.

[Purple]

I can think of somewhere you can stick that letter but you'll have to see your xh in order to do that.

You sound a lot better. I hope things continue to mend for you, mentally, emotionally, financially, socially, physically.

Hugs Hooz

[hoosiermama]

Thanks, purple. Yeah, I'd like to carefully place that letter in several folks' "areas," 'cuz they really should know better; cut-off's are immature and extrememly dysfunctional. My SIL is a psychiatrist working with children for cryin' out loud--she especially ought to know better. Oh well.

Thanks for the thoughts--yes, I hope things continue on a healing trend.