Healing my Heart part 7

[fightingirish]

Well, I got a call from the preschool about S3, seems he was being defiant and hitting. So I had to go and pick him up early.

I cried the whole way there.

He kicked and screamed as I got him in the car, then turns around and says f**k you to me. I just about died.

I pulled over and slapped his hand and told him not ever to use that language again. I hope and pray this is an isolated incident. He's never acted that badly before. No doubt he is acting out because of what is going on at home.

Im devasted.

I brought him up to his room and he eventually fell asleep.

I tell H when he comes in from outside. I told him that is why you have to refrain from swearing. Of course he took it badly. Proceeded to tell me that he just wants to pack it in, claim bankruptcy and start new (without me.) Then he just went back outside

I just sat here and cried.

My mom called me in the middle of it. Wanted of course to know what was going on.

I told her a shorter version, but basically that things are bad all the way around.

Then she told me that no matter what I can come there with the kids and live whenever I wanted to , that I was never to feel that I had knowhere to go.

So, that was a big relief, let me tell you. Really was. I guess I always knew I could go there, but it was a matter of my pride, especially since they have never liked H.

But this is my plan now. I will talk with him this wkend and just tell him that we need to go to therapy, and if he refuses, then After the school year is up, I will be leaving to go to my mom’s for a trial separation.

Trust me, I don’t want to have to do this, but It’s the only way I see anything turning around.

Im heart broken over it, but im not happy staying here either. When he isn’t here, every is fine, when he is here everything is drama most of the time.

Im exhausted, mentally and physically drained but at least I have a plan. I just have to have the strength to stick to it.

Ugg.