The past couple of weeks haven't been too remarkable. I saw H last Tuesday and we hung out for a little bit. I'm planning on going to visit one of our friends (who happens to be a guy) at the end of June so I let him know that. He didn't really react, just said oh really and let it go. He did change having the kids on alternate weekends because he missed them too much when they weren't there. I asked him why he changed it in the first place and all he could say was he didn't know. Well, Friday I took the kids over to his house and ended up taking him to the ATM so he could get some money for me. I was texting while he was in the car and he asked me who it was. It happened to be the friend I'm going to visit and since I have nothing to hide I told him who it was. He was like, how often do you guys talk. We don't talk more than we did when he was home which is what I told him. I asked him if he was jealous and he denied it because of who it was. When we pulled into his driveway he said something like our friend knows better and if he tries anything he'll kick his ass. I was totally thrown off by that remark. Why does it matter to him if I'm talking to a friend we've had for over 10 years? He actually contacted this friend and asked him the same things. I asked him about it and he said he was just checking to see what his intentions were. What on earth is that all about? He says that he did it because of who it is and if it were any other guy he wouldn't care. I don't get that at all.
He asked me to come over today to take him to put in some applications. We had lunch and then I took him home. I don't know what led up to it, but he started a R talk. He told me that he didn't know what he wanted and that he wasn't sure if the OW was what he wanted. He said he loved me but he can't handle being around me. He doesn't know why. I told him that I cared about him as a friend and that I hated to see him wasting his life sitting in a dark house doing nothing. I told him that he wasn't doing himself any good playing video games all day long. He listened to everything I said and cried the whole time I was talking. He actually agreed with me.
Some time ago I mentioned that I would like to move to Atlanta to be with my sister and her fiancee. He asked me if I was serious and said that I should move because it was the best thing for me and the kids. He said he might follow me in a little while, but didn't elaborate. He was close to sobbing when he told me to take the kids. We talked a little more and he looked at me and said he was sorry. I asked him what he was sorry for and he said, for being me.
I have no idea what to make of this conversation. I thought I was confused before! Now I don't know what to do. If we move it would have to be in August before the kids start school. I don't know if this is progress. Before I left he came over to me and held me for a while. He hasn't done that in I don't know how long. I don't want to read too much into this or see things that aren't really there. I'm sorry that this is all over the place. That's pretty much how my thougths are at the moment. Any insight?
