I agree the WA has to end the affair. BUT, using the kids, well... IMO is the wrong way to do it. I agree with Ali on this one, and from my experience with H, they hardly even listen to that. They think "we are making things up and blame us for it". My H had to be told about the kids by everyone (teachers, Cs, family) BUT me to start considering the effect a bit.
Also, I have to say, it is never a strong enough motive for them to change behavior. Maybe because of the endorphines as Puppy says. Remember all these men and women, LEFT their lovely homes AND kids to "escape" and live their "dream". You think they had no idea of the pain they would cause? I doubt that. Some of them are even coming from divorced families and know exactly the kind of pain they would cause and still walked out.
I can understand why you told him all these things. I did it too. But I am afraid, unless something else happens, you will see no result from it. And I will agree with Al, shame and guilt at this stage, could possibly have the opposite effect, at least for a while until he thinks things thru by himself.
What I did, and did have an effect after many months of keeping kid's anxiety and issues to myself, was make him deal with them directly, not protect him anymore. The kids themselves had the biggest impact on him. Stay strong, K
