My Sailor is Back-but not Home

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Puppy, from your own experience, you said this "I disagree. People in affairs are ADDICTED to the affair, and HOWEVER you get them to end it, and come back, you can THEN begin to work on the underlying problems of the marriage." -well thats the approach you took with your WAW.

that was low and uncalled for. PDT's wife has THANKED him for ending her A.

Not all A's are addictions, they can be a necessary pschological life stage, learning experience or in some cases, actual love. I'm sorry, I understand you need to calmly explain how him not spending his leave there affects the kids, but that wasnt what I thought the convo was about (sorry, I thought it was in the context of giving the M another try)...but I just dont think its about the kids, it has to be about YOU. You have to be the greener grass.

I was the greener grass long before the OW came on the scene. I just forgot I was for a while, making it easier for DH to forget. But, I will do whatever it takes to protect the kids and DH knows that will include cutting him out of our lives.

"he knows that i am faithfully attending church and that I have a strong faith in the Lord. He once did, too. That is not guilt, it is fact. I do not see where I used religion as guilt."

If he isnt so connected with the Church anymore, then mentioning you have church things on, will probably only add to his guilt, or, will make the gulf between you seem wider. And guilt is the enemy to reconciliation accroding to my db coach ! In which case, dont tell him about it? Keep it for yourself.

I do not shove church at him. When he came for D9's baptism, it was because she asked, not me. I only mentioned the meeting with pastor because it dealt with the kids. Anything other than that is mentioned strictly from a logistical stand point. Even the game night this Friday with the kids was mentioned to let him know the kids were not going to be available. So, DH opted to go to be with the kids.

If I feel ill nowadays, I never tell my ex, as he doesnt want to handle that.. I deal with it myself. I see the comparison with alot of woman on thse boards that have a strong faith, but their WAH doesnt, or doesnt anymore. They dont attend church for a reason, perhaps that IS linked to the A, or their choices, or just a loss of faith. Either way.. being vocal about your faith is likely to add to their guilt and shame about leaving the M and "the spiritual path" and NOT draw them closer. Thats what I meant. A reminder that they have 'strayed', not that you used religion per se to guilt him?

Again, any mention of church is done as a means of handling the logistics of DH seeing the kids.

I hope the changes you have been making are making him question his choices though, as thats the real way to do it hey!

The changes are for me, whether he comes back or not. I like me, more than I have in a long time, if ever. He will question it, if only because it is such a drastic change. He might even question whether he has a place here anymore. He will have to figure that out for himself.

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW